Just get rid of the idiots who can't hold their liquor

I wish I had grown up closer to a large metro area for a lot of reasons. I was reminded of one of those reasons as I went to the Virgin Music Festival. I can easily see the 15 year old version of myself getting there early to get as close to the stage as possible and jumping around for 10 hours without stopping, losing myself in the raucous noise.

Now that's not to say I was sitting around like a bump the whole time. It's just become apparent to me that I don't need to spend an entire day at a concert festival. I had a good time, but I'm done fighting to maintain my inches of space in the crowd and knowing I have to stay in one area for hours on end. Virgin brought a great lineup (even without Keane, whose lead singer went into rehab), and here's who I got to see (in order):

The New Pornographers - As many of you know, this is one of my favorite bands and one of the main reasons I opted to drop the cash to go. They were a lot of fun, but Neko wasn't with them, leaving the female vocal duties to Kathryn, who did an admirable job, but replacing Neko is an impossible task. Bonus points because I inadvertently met Kathryn later on. More details to come.

The Raconteurs - Jack White's side project had an energetic show without being over the top. He's become one of the world's biggest rock stars and he definitely plays the part. Watching him on stage you know he couldn't be anywhere else. I don't listen to their stuff, so I don't really have much more to add.

Gnarls Barkley - I was skeptical when they came on, seeing as how I never got into them that much. I still don't understand how "Crazy" got as big as it did, and when I listened to their other stuff on their MySpace page I wasn't impressed. Consider me converted. Cee-Lo is a showman - goofy as hell, but a showman. Everyone came out in ancient Greek garb, and Cee-Lo rocked the Trojan helmet, complete with plumage. Danger Mouse acted more like a lab technician, but he's a producer, so I'm willing to let it slide. Maybe they're one of those groups that just sound better live.

After the Gnarls Barkley show, I went to sit in the grass and chill before The Killers came on. I looked to my left and saw a woman wearing sunglasses and the hood of her sweater pulled over her head in a very Unabomberesque fashion. However, the sweater looked very familiar, and I could see some of her red hair. I glanced back at her at least three more times before finally asking, "Excuse me, but aren't you in New Pornographers?" Kathryn was very gracious in talking with me for awhile, but I could tell she wasn't too thrilled I noticed her - maybe it was the fact she kept talking about how tired she was.

The Killers - The lead singer was emotional, which I enjoy, but his emotion was written on his face and didn't come out as much in his voice. That would be great for a smaller show, but in a festival setting I think more outward energy is needed. I did love the Old West look the band featured, but it reminded me of Modest Mouse in the "Float On" video.

Thievery Corporation - I caught just a part of the act, but they played exactly the kind of set for the situation. They were dancing and getting the crowd into every song. They even brought a few girls on stage - it's such a simple gesture, but people eat that stuff up. I ended up buying one of their t-shirts. Gotta support the DC fellas.

Scissor Sisters - Wow. They are just fun. Flamboyant as hell. The guy might be George Michael's long-lost son. He wore a black sequined jumpsuit and danced all over the stage with boundless energy. The female singer was sassy and has a powerful voice. They are straight out of the 80s and I love them. I was sad when I had to leave, but not too sad since I was going to see...

Red Hot Chili Peppers - They've been on my list of "I have to see them" for years. I kicked myself for not seeing them when they toured with Foo Fighters, especially since FF were on that list, too. But now, after the two music festivals I've gone to in the past couple months, I can cross them both off that list. Kiedis and Flea certainly didn't disappoint, but their guitarist really blew me away. I had no idea he was so unbelievable. At one point he and Flea just started playing off each other - first one would solo, then the other, then they played solo-type riffs simultaneously, and I thought my head would explode. The chemistry between the two was obvious as they complemented each other perfectly in what is the greatest combination of instruments I have ever witnessed. I'm not joking - they were that good. What a finish to the night.

For all my bitching earlier, it really was a fantastic lineup that I would have regretted not seeing. You can likely mark me down for next year's festival, too. I never know when to quit.

So many good bands
Virgin Music Festival
It's not to be missed

At this rate my place will be fully decorated in 2016

It took months to get them here, but they've finally arrived. My couch and coffee table are here! I'm way too excited about this - mostly because of the wait - but I'm looking forward to having a normal place to live. Not a whole lot else to say, so here they are:

You're so jealous.

My new furniture
More proof I'm bad with money
So much more to buy

Not-so-remote control

For a myriad of reasons, I've yet to purchase cable in my new apartment: I rarely watch TV other than sports, I'm never home, I didn't want to spend the money, etc. My major purchases (for the time being) are coming to a close and soon I'll have the cash to throw at the legal monopoly that is cable television. However, like most people, I'll rarely if ever watch most of the channels I'm paying for. I understand why I can't buy individual channels only, but I have two ideas for making cable more appealing. These are pipe dreams that the cable companies have no incentive for enacting, I know, but I don't care.

My first idea is to allow consumers to buy blocks of channels. Some people, like me, are interested in sports, so bundle ESPN, Fox Sports and others into one package. Others may be more interested in domestic channels, so HGTV, Food Network and others would be more to their liking. The cable companies could require you purchase a minimum number of packages (say, three) or use price discrimination for the packages that will inherently be more popular.

My other idea is to allow consumers to pick whichever channels they want, but they must buy a minimum number of channels. The choice of channels could be changed once every month at the consumer's discretion, too. This would lessen the probability that the barriers for entry for a new channel will become too high. If consumers had to pay individually for each channel, they would be less likely to try new channels. Under this plan, consumers could try new channels just as filler if they couldn't decide how to complete their packages.

Again, I know that cable is omnipresent and cable companies are making money like Britney Spears is making babies, but maybe I can figure a way to make this work for them, too.

I'm not Dire Straits
I don't want my MTV
Just ESPN

Is this what Joseph Smith had in mind?

I have a secret that few people know: I'm not a one-blog kind of guy. I've got a blog on the side. I share this blog with someone else who's also using it as his blog on the side...and we might have a third guy get more involved with the blog, too. I don't want to stop, though - it feels so right.

OK, enough with the innuendo. Matt and I, long ago, wanted to start a sports blog. We did, but then we both gave it up for dead, only lately posting our sports-related entries from our regular blogs onto this other one. Well, the sports siren's song is just a little too sweet to ignore any longer; we're going to give this sports blog the attention it deserves. Hopefully Dan will jump in and save us from time to time - he's listed as a contributor, so he has some responsibilities to live up to.

The FARCers will love the name - No One Suspects the Fullback. It goes back to our days of the McDavid Madden League, when a well-timed FB Dive would rumble for 15 yards. The blog's title is derived from what we would say every time it happened.

If you're into sports, please frequent the new blog. Love it like you have loved this one. Let us know what you think. We just want to help you waste as much time as possible. Thank you.

This blog's time is now
No One Suspects the Fullback
Pure sports dorkiness

I know they could afford a focus group

As some of you probably know by now, Facebook started a feed on its site so you can know what all of your friends are up to...all the time. Letting someone know when one of their friends has posted a new note? Great. Informing me of who my friends are becoming Facebook friends with? Can't say that's something I really need to know. Telling me that people are no longer in a relationship? Uhhh, I believe that's some serious line-crossing. Granted, people choose to put their relationship status on Facebook (unlike MySpace, where it's required), so if people change it from "In a Relationship" to "Single" or nothing at all, that's their choice. However, I don't need to be told something like that from Facebook. What's worse is that Facebook told me two friends broke up, only to find out they got ENGAGED instead. Might want to work on that program.

Hopefully the Facebook guys are noticing the backlash - I did my part by joining "Facebook Just Got a Whole Lot Creepier." Let them know this is really taking things too far. Besides, we use Facebook to waste time - and this takes all the fun out of it. What will we do now?

It sees everything
Your life for the world to know
Facebook must be stopped

I'm going to be so sore

Unlike all the lame kids who only make resolutions on New Year's, I'm bucking the trend and making a Labor Day resolution. My resolution: to get in shape. Many people make this resolution but few follow through with it. This is why I've employed the help of a personal trainer. It's expensive, but I don't have anyone around to guilt me into going to the gym (Dan, why hast thou forsaken me?). Plus, they actually know what they're doing, so I won't be wasting time.

I'm on a 16 week plan - three sessions/week for the first seven weeks, four/week for the next four, and three/week the rest of the way. I'm also on a regimen of nutrients and supplements, including creatine. This is the safe, all natural kind, and of course I'm only taking the directed amount. The coolest part, though, is my diet. Tuesday I register for vitabot.com, where I put in my goals (20 lbs. of muscle mass, btw) and my program, and it tells me what foods I can choose from. Supposedly it's pretty flexible, so I'm excited about trying it out. I have to start eating six times a day, which will also be fun.

The one real downside, though, is I have to cut down on or cut out completely my alcohol intake. This will easily be the hardest part of the program. I was told that if I keep drinking a fair amount while I'm on the program it won't work nearly as well. I'll just keep telling myself that I can't afford to drink now - that money is being spent on my trainer. Self-discipline, here I come!

For several years now I thought about how cool it would be to get built during the winter when it's harder for anyone to tell. Then, as soon as spring rolls around, it looks like you have a completely new body. Looks like this is the year.

Kicking my own ass
Time to lose the love handles
For a real six-pack

You're really not that cool

I've recently discovered the funniest self-evident site in the world: Hot Chicks With Douchebags. I've distributed it out to many of my longtime readers, but for those who haven't witnessed its awe-inspiring yet saddening beauty, allow me to explain. Often times a normal guy will notice a beautiful girl, only to have his hopes crushed by seeing the douchebag she carries with her. He can be smug, devoid of fashion sense, sporting the latest stupid trends only because they're the latest stupid trends, etc. In short, he is a waste of space.

I bring up the concept because I think I have found the breeding ground for the douchebag: Georgetown. After a recent visit to Third Edition, I found it teeming with these parasites, and my soul was taken away from me just a little. Popped collars and well-trained stubble sprouted like weeds and made an otherwise cool bar just another dump.

The most egregious example, though, came from one specific specimen who thought one of my friends was his property because he had been hovering over her and occasionally thrusting his hips at her during a song. I came upon my friends on the dance floor (two girls) as one of them said, "Thank God, we need to you save us from this guy." So I played the "Protector" role and danced with both of them. This guy was not easily dissuaded, however. He continued to mark his territory behind one of my friends, even as we turned in evasive maneuvers. At one point, though, one of my friends said to me, "Oh, wait. She just said she thinks he's kind of cute," at which point I let the friend in question go to dance with her potential suitor. After 15 seconds my friend decided otherwise and we were to make our way to the courtyard in the back. I tried to follow directly behind my friends, but Sir Douche-a-Lot physically blocked my way as I tried to leave. I tried to tell him I was with them, but he wouldn't believe me - dancing with them and locking arms to make our way back wasn't proof enough for him. Thankfully, the object of his affection noticed my dilemma and informed him again that I had every right to be in their company, unlike certain people. He grudgingly allowed me through and walked to another part of the bar.

I tell you this story so that one day, if you notice your friend becoming a douchebag, you'll be able to stop him before it's too late. Even if one person does not become a douchebag as a result of this post, it will have been worth it.

What's wrong with these guys?
Friends don't let friends be douchebags
Make the madness stop

Just as long as I don't get bitter and hateful

I used to party in East Campus with the best of them. Back in undergrad, I would roam from house to house, looking for any open keg party. I would pay my $3-5, get my cup, and completely turn off the "Respect Others' Need for Sleep" sign. I was loud and insane, and I loved every minute of it.

Tonight I found myself on the other side of the fence.

After a good night of drinking on the Hill, I got home looking forward to a quick swig of Gatorade and a quick bit of consciousness before sleep. However, I could hear bass and several loud voices above me. I walked into the bedroom to find it was only slightly better. I had to walk upstairs and ask the college kids to turn the music down. I felt like such a jackass. But even worse, after I came back down, it still wasn't enough - the sheer number of people upstairs, even in normal conversation, were still too much to fall asleep to. So yet again I had to go upstairs and let them know that things were still too noisy. Thankfully these folks were understanding, especially since I didn't threaten to call the cops.

I guess it's just one more notice that I'm growing up. One of the girls at the party asked me if I had to go in to work tomorrow, and I asked what she meant by early. She said she had work at 10, to which I could only laugh and tell her I worked full time - I was no longer a student. She seemed slightly taken aback by the comment, which only proved the group's misunderstanding of the world around it. I'm not angry at all - they were all very gracious with my requests. It's just the latest - and possibly most telling - sign that I'm in a different world now. Just never expected to find myself on the other side...maybe those students are probably thinking the same things to themselves right now.

Late-night partying
I would love to if I could
Not an option now