I also have a bridge to sell you

We've all gotten spam from someone trying to scam us out of money. Whether it was someone who needed a brain transplant or a safe bank account to transfer money into, there's always someone lurking out there thinking they can pick out the sucker. What we haven't seen much of lately, though, is the good old-fashioned chain letter.

I was fortunate enough to receive one yesterday. In a word, it was marvelous. It came from a "retired attorney" who wanted to assure me this endeavor was entirely legal. Said attorney (no gender provided) even cited Title 18, Sections 1302 & 1342 of the U.S. Postal and Lottery Laws to prove it! Some other highlights (all stylings and misspellings repeated from the letter):

• A tip: STAY COOL.... Keep your job until you plan your next step.
• Sow 10% of your income to your church (tithing-Mal3 you reap what you sow.)
• The first testimonial came from a Jay Hollman, while the last one (and cleverly placed on the next page) came from Dick Hollman.

The best part, however, was definitely the math used to convince me of how easy this was. Below is the oh so easy way I could make hundreds of thousands, even if only 7.5% of the people I sent a letter to responded:




I should add that the total in the spreadsheet does not match the total in the chain letter; ironically enough, it was less in the letter.

You might be asking yourself, "Gee, this sounds great, but I don't know 200 people to send this to!" Well, don't fret, they've got that covered. All you have to do is send $40 to Data Line...oh, but make sure to tell them you want the names of OPPORTUNITY SEEKERS (again, stylization from the letter). Now let's look at how much Data Line makes, given a 7.5% answer rate:



Way to go, Data Line.

Just mail this letter
And your financial woes: gone
Isn't this easy?

Forgive me Matt Pinfield, for I have sinned

I must make a confession.

I like Nickelback.

I've liked them ever since 2000, though, so that kinda helps, right? Sigh. Here goes...

I loved "Leader of Men" when it came out. Hell, I loved the entire album. It seemed pretty genuine - a lot of their songs came out of the anguish from growing up in a small town, which I could relate to. They also rocked out pretty hard, so even with their serious lyrics I could have fun with it, a la Semi-Charmed Life. They were a straight-on rock band, nothing more and nothing less.

I have to admit, when "This is How You Remind Me" came out, I didn't like it all that much. Somehow that became their smash hit, and I resented all the people who suddenly liked Nickelback without knowing the words to "Cowboy Hat." Like many bands I've liked, I get very possessive when newbies flock to them.

They've experienced even more success since then, and I had fallen off the bandwagon as their sound became more and more produced. I turned my nose up to them for a few years (secretly) until I heard "Photograph," and not because it was any sort of musical wonder. It just happened to hit me at a time when I was feeling very nostalgic, so those bastards roped me back in. I didn't listen to the rest of the album, but I was willing to admit I liked them again.

The most recent album, "All the Right Reasons," is undoubtedly their solid march into selling out, but I just can't help myself. Their latest hit, "If Everyone Cared," is the third grader's version of "Imagine," but damn if it's not more than a little catchy. "Rockstar" is actually caustic, so good for them for coming back with something that at least tries to matter. There's another song on "All the Right Reasons," "Savin' Me," that sounds like it should be on a crappy movie soundtrack, but that's why they're called guilty pleasures, right?

I still love Chad's voice (or maybe the machines it's gone through), so whatever drivel they come up with next will still draw my attention. Now tell me what I can do for penance.

Made for radio
Canned sound and awful lyrics
Why do I like it?

Groundhog Day for your ears

On my final trip to Rochester for hopefully a long, long time, I drove a Zipcar without an XM radio. I never listen to the regular radio since I don't have a car myself, so I finally got a chance to check out some pop culture. A few notes:

Pink's new song is hilarious, but I can see some 13 year old girl saying that to a boy and have absolutely no clue what it means, followed by some horrified teacher calling a parent-teacher conference and following that with an assembly and some really awkward classroom discussions.

Speaking of Pink, if she and Kelly Clarkson walked into a club together, would guys even try to talk to them? Seems kind of counterproductive, no?

Why isn't there a U2 tribute band yet? They have enough songs. The lead singer could even dress up like Bono, which I would imagine to be the entire reason for starting the tribute band in the first place.

Avril Lavigne's new song, "Girlfriend?" WTF?! Besides hearing it somewhere around 27 times in 14 hours (drove there and back in the same day - I'm a badass), I just kept envisioning a conversation between Avril and the record execs that went something like this:

Record Exec: You need to tone down your punk girl image. It's not going to sell anymore.
Avril Lavigne: So what do you want instead?
RE: Well, we were thinking, ummm, well, slutty.
AL: OK, but I still get to curse, because that makes me badass.
RE: Sure, whatever, fine. Now put this bikini and oil on - you have a photo shoot to show off your new image in 15 minutes.

Rock is starting to take pop music back from hip-hop. The little hip-hop I heard was drivel, so it makes sense. I remember a radio DJ telling me that it's all cyclical, running on roughly a 7-year cycle. That makes a lot of sense now: the boy bands and Britney marked the end of pop rock and almost all you'd hear on top 40 radio through college was hip-hop.

One thing hasn't changed, though; I heard the same songs over and over again. I'm glad I got to check out what most of the country is listening to, but I'm ready to get back to my Pandora stations. Anyone want to share their favorites with me?

All your favorite hits
On a continuous loop
Till you can't stand them

Amen

Please take a moment to reflect on this, the holiest of days. Baseball was invented 178 years ago today, June 12.

Bless this dirt and grass
For it is far more than that
It is perfection