No Direction Needed

He won't go away

2009-01-22T10:20:00.002-05:00

Obama's presidency wasn't the only thing that started Tuesday. Keyshawn Johnson, former NFL receiver and author of "Just Give Me the Damn Ball!", will be hosting a design show on A&E. I don't know how they did it, but the executive producers/network heads came up with this awesome title for the show that somehow combined football and decor: Tackling Design. No doubt Keyshawn came up with the idea after discovering his love of pottery.

Image courtesy of tvweek.com

My first thought was to add Delta Burke and change the show name to Tackling Designing Women. At least then the show would have real talent. Zing!

At least they'd beat the February 29 team

2009-01-14T13:30:00.000-05:00

Baseball-Reference.com has a great new feature where you can find out who was born on your birthday (h/t: Baseball Prospectus). I guess Spring Break for the baseball gods fell on my birthday, but here's the all-March 10 lineup anyway.

C: Ben Davis
1B: Lew Whistler
2B: Gene DeMontreville
SS: Donnie Murphy
3B: Charles Fisher
LF: John Cangelosi
CF: Tike Redman
RF: Johnny Briggs
SP: Wayne Twitchell
RP: Steve Howe
CL: Mike Timlin

Quick notes:
- I ran track with Tike Redman when I was in middle school. That means I'm less than six degrees of separation from almost all of MLB!
- Charles Fisher didn't even play in what we would traditionally consider Major League Baseball. He played for the Union Association in 1884; I just couldn't find any other 3B.

I think this team would go 68-94; it's just good enough not to be horrific. For the record, that's one Rookie of the Year (Howe), two All-Star seasons (Twitchell and Howe, one each) and zero Hall of Famers.

On the flip side, we have the sad story of Joe Campbell. He got to play one game in his major league career: he started in RF for the Cubs against the Braves on May 3, 1967. He shared the field with luminaries like Hank Aaron, Ernie Banks and Ron Santo. The 23 year old from Louisville had his shot...and struck out in all three at-bats. He didn't even get to catch a fly in the outfield. Joe Torre managed to run from first to third on a single hit Campbell's way, though, and I think that was the nail in Campbell's major league coffin. Torre was, how do you say, slower than Christmas. Allowing him to run from first to third, even on a hit-and-run, seems like the kind of play that would make a manager choke on his dip.

I could spend more time writing about the players who didn't make the team than who did; I love old-time baseball stories. In fact, one of the players who didn't make the list was born in Sedalia, MO, where my aunt currently lives. I think I'll go see if he's still in the area.

Not the best lineup
But they still share a birthday
With THE Chuck Norris

Blatant rip-off!

2009-01-05T01:25:00.000-05:00

Taken from here, every city I've spent the night in during 2008:

1. Washington, DC
2. Chicago, IL
3. Somonauk, IL
4. Sandwich, IL
5. Yorkville, IL
6. Taipei, Taiwan
7. Hualien, Taiwan*
8. Northport, AL
9. Atlanta, GA
10. St. Louis, MO
11. Seattle, WA
12. Brooklyn, NY

*I'm probably wrong but I can't remember the name of the city. Thanks to the person who corrects me.

Anywhere I missed? What about you?

Hooray cheap and easy blog post!

A better blogger
Would have stories for each place
But no, just this post

Who do you hate?

2008-09-26T00:40:00.000-04:00

During a recent conversation I started listing all the baseball teams I hated and I figured, why stop there? A brief rundown of all the sports teams I hate and reasons:

Baseball

Mets - as a Braves fan, this one needs no further explanation
Phillies - ditto
Marlins - ditto ditto, but with the added hatred that they have managed to win two World Series without a single division title. Lame.
Yankees - I want 1996 back.
Red Sox - Your fans are obnoxious and bandwagon jumpers. Stop with the shamrock caps, for the love of all that is holy.
Astros - The 18-inning playoff game in 2005.
Cardinals - The 2006 World Series. Why couldn't you have won it back when you were actually good? Nobody actually thinks you were the best team that season. Grrr.

Football (college, of course)

Auburn - I'm from Tuscaloosa. Both of my parents worked at the University of Alabama. Done.
Tennessee - Yep. Plus, that gawd-awful orange will make you go blind or crazy.
Florida - Steve Spurrier losing to Vandy was such sweet karmic revenge. And the Gator Chomp sucks.
Kansas - I went to Missouri. Scoreboard.
Nebraska - I know it's an old joke, but I never get tired of hearing that the N on their helmets stands for Knowledge.
Oklahoma - This is just bitterness. They knocked us out of the Big 12 basketball tournament two years I was there, kept us out of the Final Four, and last season kept us from the national title game in football. Wow, we've really been their bitch.

Miscellaneous/Past Hatreds

Seattle SuperSonics - I was a Rockets fan in the mid 90s because they drafted Robert Horry (Bama guy), and the Rockets and Sonics were constantly battling for supremacy in the Western Conference. I remember feeling so lucky that they played on my birthday one year - 13th, I think - and the Rockets beat them. Now I can't hate the Sonics. Nobody can.

Colorado Avalanche - Back in high school I started rooting for the Red Wings because they were always on and I was trying to teach myself the rules and strategy of hockey. I know this makes me as bad as those kids who become Yankees fans because they're always good but I never rubbed it in anyone's face. Except anyone who rooted for the Avs. The Wings/Avs rivalries were pretty intense. Exhibit A:

Birmingham City FC -Now that I've become a complete soccer addict, I've also developed new hatreds. Aston Villa's crosstown rivals aren't always in the Premier League, but it's more fun when they are. Villa fans even managed to change the words of Winter Wonderland to taunt City fans.

I'm sure I'm leaving out some important ones, so remind me and leave your own in the comments.

Budget Hero!

2008-09-12T13:08:00.004-04:00

Badass game from NPR where you get to control the budget and see how your decisions affect our surplus/deficit. You can adjust tax policy, too (I highly suggest repealing the Bush tax cuts, if only for the immense visual effect). You will undoubtedly lose at least one hour of your life to this game, but it's educational, so it's cool. Click here to play. (Ed. note: I finally took it off. Not like I've posted enough lately for anyone to get offended, so it's cool.)

Go through line by line
And eliminate the waste
Knight of the ledger

More than words can say

2008-08-28T23:16:00.002-04:00

I've just seen the greatest speech of my life. Barack Obama's acceptance of the Democratic nomination surpassed all expectations and gave me great faith that he will not only win the election, but lead America out of its current malaise. In that one speech he shed the Democrats' traditional labels of raising taxes and soft on defense. He also showed the ability to find common ground between disagreeing parties, hopefully ending the recent political trend of us vs. them. But more than anything Obama's speech inspired me and convinced me that our country can once again become the country the world turns to for hope and guidance.

He's got my vote in November. What about you?

From a very sunny garden apartment

2008-08-27T15:07:00.003-04:00

I can't believe I left DC four weeks ago. A few notes on the first (almost) month in Chicago:

- My new place has taken a little getting used to, especially the lack of AC, but now it's fine. My old place was much nicer than what I needed and in the long run I'll be glad I'm saving the money on a cheaper apartment.

- Chicago is huge. I thought DC was a big city. I was wrong. I live in the city of Chicago but it still takes me almost an hour to get downtown on a bus or train. Compare that to DC, where even if I lived all the way out in Fairfax (the end of the Orange Line) it would only take half an hour to get to Metro Center in the heart of the city.

- Speaking of public transportation, most of northwest DC is within five blocks of any Metro station. If Chicago wanted to blanket the city in a similar fashion, either the sun would be blocked out by all the elevated tracks or Boston's Big Dig would look like some kids playing in a sandbox. Guess I better learn the bus system.

- Chicago's regional train system, Metra, doesn't accept credit cards. At all. Also, the only way to pay online is to first mail them an application. FAIL.

- I'm still looking for a job. I've got enough in savings to be a little picky, but I'd really like something to come along soon. Is it too much to ask for to find a job where I get to play with numbers and interact with clients in a fun industry where I feel like I'm contributing to the world while making enough money to pay off my obnoxious student loans? Probably so, but I sure hope not.

- If I had to do this over again, I'd do it in a heartbeat. It's scary as hell but it's exciting and I know the right opportunity will come along. Now get up here and visit before it gets too cold.

2008-07-31T12:45:00.000-04:00

I leave DC for Chicago today. I know I'm making the right decision for my long-term goals, but today I'm in mourning for the life I have built here. I've grown so much in the past two years that to put it all down would be impossible...especially given how much more needs to get done before I can go. But I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone I've been fortunate enough to meet during my two years here. I have made some amazing friends and hope to keep in touch for years to come.

Last night I knew just how lucky I've been when an army of friends came over to help me pack and say goodbye. Rarely have I been so touched and humbled by the overwhelming display of support. To Stephanie W., Tim, Clare, Dave, Michelle, Daimon, Kirsten, Andrea and Jeff, my endless gratitude. Thank you for making me feel like such an important part of your lives.

And thank you Anik, for being a great roommate. Whether it was homebrewing or buying me tickets to a concert I didn't go to, we've always managed to have a good time. You are in an elite class of platonic male living companions.

Finally, the one who deserves more thanks than I can ever possibly give, is my wonderful girlfriend, Stephanie. Your love and devotion have meant more to me than any explanation could provide. While I am sad to leave DC, I am thrilled to be living closer to you. You've been with me every step of this decision and your faith in me gives me the strength to take this risk. I love you.

Goodbye, DC. Hello, Chicago.

Blaster Master = Mr. Master

2008-07-17T11:06:00.002-04:00

Great article my buddy Dave (of News Hour with Jim Lehrer fame) found in NYT. It's an article about alcohol consumption in the summer in which the interviewees are really just post-college boozehounds, yet they get the traditional courtesy title. That led to a discussion of other hilarious uses of courtesy titles, so we decided to come up with our own:

Mr. Flash
Mr. Dirty Bastard
Mr. Killah
Mr. Edge
Ms. Sovereign

Leave your own in the comments.

Courtesy titles
Good to know if boy or girl
Then hijinks ensue

Good thing I don't need to feel cool

2008-07-13T01:58:00.003-04:00

I want to post about Taiwan, but I have to figure out how I want to do it. It's going to be more than a running diary because that would just be lame. I guess I'll start with my latest musical obsession, Puffy Amiyumi.

I stumbled across them during my flight across the Pacific. Their sugary sweet female-driven power pop is a siren call I cannot ignore. I'm woefully late to the party, seeing as how they've been around more than a decade and even toured in the US, but here's a couple tracks from their latest album, Honeycreeper, Oriental Diamond and Kichibiru Motion.

And what the hell, let's bring back the haiku.

With some catchy hooks
I'll listen to any band
In any language

The Rise and Fall of the Beckett Empire

2008-06-24T11:34:00.000-04:00

Josh Beckett from Spring, Texas. The name and birthplace combine as if from a book of tall tales: Josh Beckett, the man who saddled a tornado and rode it to the ground. The reality isn't all that far from the truth. Beckett is the rare individual who elevates his performance when he is most needed to perform. His postseason numbers - 1.73 ERA in 72.2 IP with an almost 6/1 K/BB ratio - show ample proof of this claim. But Josh Beckett is unfortunately human, and his humanity is shown through his complete representation of his birthplace. The Texan has the steely glare and unflappable resolve under duress, but also suffers the wild swings of prosperity only found in the Lone Star State.

Beckett's tale is an easy yet powerful one to tell because he is simply the latest in a rich history of hard-nosed gunslingers. Buzz Bissinger, fearful rants aside, has written some very powerful words, including his description of the Texas economy in Friday Night Lights. Through his eyes, we see the Wild West still exists, but the confrontation isn't between the sheriff and the outlaw; it's the oil men against the world. Their fortunes rise and fall and rise again, but the fear of destitution always lingers. Beckett exists in the same metaphysical space: despite his two World Series rings, he will never be able to escape his injury-plagued past. Blisters are his dry oil wells.

For this reason Beckett's career will not be defined until he decides it is ready for definition. His early struggles, set against the backdrop of lofty expectations, have framed the scene. Beckett has already steered his story arc away from The Mark Prior Tragedy but the spectres of Potential and Dominance remain central characters. Beckett has only pitched more than 200 innings twice in his career and is not on pace to do so in 2008. But he averages more than a strikeout per inning and an almost 5/1 K/BB ratio, an almost unspeakable combination. His current comparables don't predict a bright future, but none of them have (or had) his natural talent. It's properly Texan of him to succeed or fail so spectacularly with no in between.

The Legend of Josh Beckett will make a great bedtime story someday. He's the man who singlehandedly ended The Yankee Dynasty, then fulfilled his destiny by cementing the ascension of the Red Sox. Or he's the man who had a momentary grip on greatness, only to fall to an inglorious end. So, like every great legend, it will leave out the most interesting parts.

This will only serve as more motivation

2008-06-23T11:19:00.002-04:00

Demetrius Bell can't get any love. Literally. After being summarily dismissed by his pathetic excuse for a father, Bell is now the lowest rated player in Madden '09 by six points. On a 100-point scale, six points is a pretty big deal. Maybe Ethan Albright can give him some advice.

Worlds Apart

2008-06-21T18:08:00.003-04:00

Texts between my roommate and me:

Me: I finally got the top to the [martini] shaker off!
Anik: Nice. I just met Dave Chappelle in the elevator.

+1 Anik

They don't even make good doorstops

2008-05-27T09:44:00.002-04:00

If I had to guess on the general demographics of the half-dozen or so people that still read these ramblings, I would say the typical reader is in his or her mid 20s, employed and computer literate. Beyond those obvious remarks I would further venture that a typical reader owns a cell phone but not a landline. If I combined the two assumptions of cell phone ownership and computer literacy I believe I could reasonably conclude that my typical reader does not use a traditional paper phone book. But I bet my typical reader still gets one.

Your good mission for the day, should you choose to accept it, is to go to Yellow Pages Goes Green and register your address to halt the delivery of a resource you never use. Besides, you never use that coupon for $3 off your oil change anyway.

/PSA

Moscow's Midnight Madness

2008-05-21T22:04:00.004-04:00

You probably know the score. You might have read a recap. Here's a rambling, far too detailed look at the Champions League Final between Manchester United and Chelsea.

First thing you hear in pregame - John Denver's "Country Roads." In English. In Russia. I have no good response.
Clarence Seedorf and his non-answer answers is about as political an athlete you'll ever find - I think he could give A-Rod a run for his money. At least Seedorf tries to laugh his off, though.
European pageantry seems to be much more reliant on choreography than explosives. It's a nice change of pace.
Seedorf made some good analysis - maybe he does have a future in color commentary after all.
Tommy just made an obviously facetious comment about Scotsmen. I hope ESPN doesn't squash that kind of non-PC behavior when they purchase Premier League rights.
Quick commercials include astronauts watching Champions League with a mini-keg of Heineken. If I had known being an astronaut included watching soccer and drinking beer I would have tried harder to suppress my motion sickness.
The two clubs are three time zones from home? Three time zones from home? That's a big deal? Europe really is small.
Champions League has its own anthem. Can we employ NFL Films to do the same for the Superbowl?
Cristiano Ronaldo's hair is extra greasy tonight.
Park-Ki Seong isn't playing or on the bench, despite starting the last 4 CL games for ManU. No explanation why, either.
ManU kickoff! It's 10:45 PM local Moscow time. It's like a West Coast World Series.
Ronaldo's stepovers look entirely effortless. Say what you want about him being a douchebag (and I will), the man is supremely talented.
Wes Brown is the only ManU player originally from Manchester. This point would have been hammered into the ground if this were an American contest.
Ronaldo is playing on the left side for now - usually plays on the right.
Good chance for ManU, but Hargreaves can't put the cross where he wanted it. Chelsea's defense vs. ManU's creative offense will be the key to this game.
Was that blood on Drogba's tongue?
Great passing from ManU - they've definitely taken control.
Ronaldo doesn't look comfortable on the left side. He really mishandled that pass from Hargreaves.
Yep, it's confirmed - Drogba's bleeding from the tongue. Nobody's stopping the game. Now watch him spit blood on someone.
I love the throw-in camera angle. One of the best things of watching soccer on TV. The stadium always looks so majestic.
Great set up from ManU but miscommunication on the cross negated the possession.
Joe Cole trips over his own feet in the penalty box and one of Chelsea's few chances so far goes for naught.
Another Scottish dig from Tommy!
Chelsea's entire squad fall back well below the center line. Looks like they're relying on the counterattack.
Ashley Cole changes shoes but appears to be fit enough to play. Suffered a red-card worthy tackle during practice the day before from teammate Claude Makelele.
Michael Ballack's first important touch sails long.
Ronaldo races down the line and sends a fantastic cross just over the head of Hargreaves.
I think the ref just blew his whistle 17 times but nobody stopped. Play until the 18th whistle, that's what my old coach always told me.
First corner of the game and it goes to...ManU. Nobody is surprised.
Ronaldo and Didier Drogba just had a moment. Awwww.
Scholes with the late challenge but he's the one on the ground bleeding. Makelele got a card for that?! He was first to the ball! Chelsea fans must hate this ref - he was also responsible for allowing a dicey goal against Liverpool in a CL match a few years back.
Wait, Chelsea get the free kick despite getting a card. I have no idea what's going on.
Vidic with a dangerous header in front of his own net. Now Chelsea get their first corner, but no damage done.
Scholes is back. No way he's sitting out after missing the 1999 final.
Tevez is playing a lot further back than I would have imagined.
Anderson just started warming up for ManU. Maybe Scholes isn't OK.
Ronaldo scores! It started with a fantastic give and go between Brown and Scholes. Brown's left footed cross found Ronaldo on the left side of the box and Ronaldo's head found the back of the net.
Michael Ballack tried to get it all back at once for Chelsea but he launched it like Sputnik...and that will be my only cheap Russian joke, I promise.
Drogba's down. I'm sure the magic spray will make him feel better.
He's back on the field - I was right! That spray can probably cure cancer.
ManU's passing is so much prettier. Chelsea are relying on the long ball too much.
What a cross from Lampard to Drogba, who heads it back into the middle of the box to Ballack, but it's just not enough.
Rooney took the ball a quarter of the field from his own goal, crosses it 40 yards to Ronaldo, who threads a fantastic pass to Tevez who almost finds the goal, but Petr Cech knocks it out just to deny the rebound from Carrick. Cech is probably the best keeper in the world right now, but breathtaking play from United at this point. They're just more fun than Chelsea.
128 passes completed by United compared to 60 from Chelsea. That about sums it up so far.
A long series of passes from Chelsea but a poor touch from Malouda in the box wiped out their efforts.
Ashley Cole and Wes Brown race for the ball by the United box and Chelsea scream for a penalty but rightfully none is called.
Rooney's cross scoots through everyone, including a sliding Tevez. Another nailbiting possession from United.
Yellow card for Ferdinand as he takes out Lampard with an elbow an inch outside the box.
Ballack's free kick flies over the goal
Seedorf will be joining the Spanish commentators for the second half. All these multilingual people make me jealous.
Frank Lampard takes advantage of a mental lapse from United defense just as stoppage time begins! 1-1!
Carvalho gets a yellow card after cutting down Ronaldo. There's been more action in the last two minutes than the previous 15.
Halftime. United have clearly been the better side and had more opportunities but their defense has not been sharp.
Sweet! It's the commercial with the first person perspective as an Arsenal player. (h/t: Awful Announcing) What's the song in it? It's frickin' awesome.
ESPN's studio team are all non-Americans. They're not particularly good. One of them clearly does not know English well enough to be on TV.
Drogba and Ferguson are jawing with the ref as they walk back onto the pitch. Never a good side when both teams are unhappy with the refereeing.
Switching from Oak Barrel Stout to Sam Adams White Ale. Because you need to know.
Drogba whistled for a really ticky-tack foul. That's what happens when you bitch.
Ashley Cole with a great clearance. Maybe he's worth all that money.
Joe Cole whistled for a late challenge. He's really disappeared from this game. Chelsea are going to need him to lace a few crosses to get the win.
Ashley Cole's relentless pursuit of Hargreaves earns Chelsea a throw. Yes, he's a cheating bastard (on his wife, not the game), but he's a damn fine player.
Joe Cole is livid after the ref awards United a goal kick. I'm with him - the replay makes it pretty obvious.
Chelsea appear to be employing the short passing United used successfully.
Evra sneaks in behind Chelsea's defense and Ronaldo finds him. Cross from Evra...too far. Golden opportunity.
Essien shook off his defenders and had time to set up a shot, so of course he blasts it over the bar.
Ashley Cole's cross looks for Drogba but Vidic sends it away.
Ballack with tons of space but his shot bends away from the net.
The crowds are finally singing...or I'm finally hearing it. Must be the beer, either way.
Another bloody nose for United, this time for Hargreaves, but yet again from a collision with Makelele. This time it looks like Makelele isn't as innocent.
Another long pass from Rooney, this one finds Tevez, but Ashley Cole disposesses him.
Chelsea with pressure in the box - they've turned it up in the second half, and I think Grant deserves a lot of credit for that.
Passing stats shown for Chelsea - pretty cool. And now a few for United. ESPN will definitely increase that to explain the game to the American audiences.
Vidic with a needless foul on Drogba. Now Chelsea get a free kick off a long ball.
Carrick knocks it away but Chelsea maintain pressure. Corner kick and their chances are quickly increasing. Terry tries to put a head on the corner but no luck.
Ads for Euro 2008 - ESPN is all over it. Pick your favorite country now! I'm going with Czech Republic.
A string of pretty passes for Chelsea - who told them they're allowed to have a flowing style? Chelsea are supposed to play ugly!
Ferdinand is down and the stretcher has come out. Might have pulled something. We're told the field is a little damp.
Nevermind, Ferdinand is back.
Now Makelele is down. Karma.
Tevez looks like he had surgery on his neck. (Turns out it's a burn mark) Ferdinand is still limping around.
Joe Cole indeed puts a cross in the box, but Drogba slips. Yep, the field is becoming an issue.
Ronaldo just blows by Essien yet again. Essien is getting used like
Joe Cole again gets hosed by the ref on a corner kick call. He didn't touch the ball but the ref apparently can't believe a Ronaldo shot from near the touch line sails past the near side post. Corner goes long.
Ronaldo can't get past Joe Cole and Ballack.
I love the "Distance Covered" stats for each player. How do they come up with those?
Malouda in the box against Ferdinand. Ferdinand's boot seems to trip him up but Malouda's feet might have knocked together first. Probably the right call not to award a penalty.
Drogba slips again, but gets the pass off, gets the ball back and launches a shot as he falls that just grazes off the post. He is the strongest player in Europe, no question.
Malouda races down the line as Ferdinand slips, finds Drogba in the box, but Vidic's defense forces Drogba to send it wide. The pitch was sent in from Slovakia two weeks ago and is placed on top of artifical turf. Pretty sketch for a CL final if you ask me.
Tevez with a shot but not on target. Where's Rooney?
The grass is MOVING! Report from the sidelines says the root structure isn't set. That is crap. I still can't believe Russia was allowed to host.
Ballack with a terrible first touch shot. He just hasn't been on his game today.
Chelsea with a free kick to Drogba, whose shot goes wide. The assistant ref says corner but the head ref overrules him. Chelsea fans are making their plans for a hit on him.
Ronaldo got too cute with a backheel pass. Chelsea are building their attack.
Joe Cole finds Drogba again in the box but still no luck. They've had the advantage this half.
Ryan Giggs is on, passing Sir Bobby Charlton in all-time appearances for United. Scholes mercifully comes off - he looks like he's still bleeding.
90 seconds left in regular time. Two 15-minute extra periods if there's no winner after stoppage time. A shootout will finish it if there's still a tie.
Joe Cole looks like he took a judo kick to the face but the ref plays the advantage. He looks like a dog that's been shocked too many times from the ref's calls.
Ronaldo's footwork is beautiful, but his cross is too high for Giggs. I wonder if anyone ever called him Giggles.
That's the end of regulation. For two teams that only finished two points apart after 38 games, this should not be a surprise.
Even fast forwarding through an AIG commercial isn't enough - I can't stand financial services commercials with kids pretending to give a damn about insurance.
The rain is falling pretty steadily now. Oh yeah, and it's 12:40 AM in Russia. It's like Monday Night Football!
Giggs, Rooney and Tevez tried to thread the ball through the Chelsea defense, but Terry denies what would likely be the winning goal.
Salomon Kalou on for Malouda.
Ashley Cole to Ballack to Lampard to the crossbar! Sooooo close.
Ronaldo flies up the right side and crosses to Tevez. Good lord, he is fast.
Joe Cole is down and getting a cramp rubbed out. Fifty bucks says the field is closely watched before next year's final.
Russian soldiers just put on United jerseys over their uniforms! I don't want to be in their barracks after what I'm sure will be a monstrous beatdown for disgracing their country.
Essien wins a corner for Chelsea. So he's just not any good on defense, got it.
Joe Cole ran more than 12k meters (the team average was a mere 10k - lazy bastards), so it's fair to say he's done his job. Anelka comes on for fresh legs.
Evra somehow gets past the Chelsea defenders, passes to Giggs who is awesomely denied by Terry. That's why he's been the England captain.
Rooney comes off after a lackluster performance. Nani takes his place.
Essien just slid 10 feet. I think I've said enough about the pitch.
Tevez with a shot but right at Cech. It's going to take more than that to puncture Chelsea.
Nani with his first touch - the difference between his fresh legs and the players that have been on more than 100 minutes is clear.
Two minutes added to extra time of the first extra period.
Kalou just barely misses the ricochet off Carvalho's header. Chelsea have the advantage in corners...somehow.
If he had beaten the last defender, Kalou would have been alone with the keeper. Such a small difference for such a large impact.
End of the first extra period. The rain is pounding the turf. Just like England!
My recording ended. Now waiting for the replay to catch up. I am never recording a sporting event again without recording the program that comes directly after.
Second period notes are spotty - real life break. Nothing big happened anyway...except DROGBA GOT A RED CARD! He tried to slap Vidic (and barely landed it) - once again, Drogba is a bitch. Have fun diving in Milan next season. Abromavich looks absolutely disgusted and I think he tried to explain what happened to his arm candy. It was either that or telling her she better bring her own 'A' game later on.
Penalty shootout for the fourth time in eight years. As a result of Drogba's red card, United get to exile their weakest penalty shooter to equal the number of players on both teams. Quite a boost if this thing goes long.
Tevez and United up first - buried in the lower right corner. 1-0 United.
Ballack for Chelsea, and it's 1-1.
Carrick goes left and Cech goes right. 2-1 United.
Belletti, who came on just for the shootout, levels it.
Ronaldo kisses the ball before his shot, which in the rain must be a little nasty. Blocked! He got waaaaaayyyyy too cute, pausing and then not putting in a great shot. Still 2-2.
Lampard's shot gets just past the outstretched hands of Van Der Sar. 3-2 Chelsea for their first lead!
Hargreaves with a perfect shot in the top left corner. Back to even, but they need a stop.
Ashley Cole's low shot makes it! 4-3.
Nani must score or United lose. It's in! 4-4.
John Terry, Chelsea's captain, on for what could be the winning shot. The tension is almost too much to take. And it is! Terry slips! The shot is wide!
Anderson goes right up the middle as Cech dives away and United lead once again, 5-4.
Kalou must score for Chelsea as the shootout is now in sudden death. He keeps them alive. 5-5.
Ryan Giggs coolly strikes it home to give United the lead once again. 6-5.
Anelka, a January transfer for Chelsea, now stands over the spot. It's blocked! United are the champions of Europe!
Ronaldo is crying on the pitch, no doubt thanking his lucky stars. A bit of a diva move since the rest of his teammates are celebrating together, but I'll give him a pass.
John Terry is unconsolable, but who could blame him?
It wasn't the most thrilling game but the ending more than made up for it. Shootouts are the best.

Accolades abound

2008-05-21T10:54:00.003-04:00

It's a beer haiku-themed week! First the posting on Beer Haiku Daily and now I've found out I'm getting a prize for a haiku I sent to Beer Culture, a beer blog on the Prague Daily Monitor. My winning entry:

No longer a slave
To tasteless suds in a can
I get what I crave

I know haikus are generally said to be unrhyming poems, but they were giving extra credit to those that rhymed, so my competitive nature overcame any artistic integrity. Stay tuned for a picture of the prize!

Behold the glory

2008-05-16T15:17:00.003-04:00

My haiku skills have been recognized in other parts of the blogohedron. You can see my latest 17-syllable masterpiece* at Beer Haiku Daily. To those of you who clicked on the link for my blog from there, well, looks like you're caught in a neverending loop. Sorry.

*Not actually a masterpiece. More like a fingerpainting from a bonobo.

The Disappearing Bill

2008-05-13T12:42:00.002-04:00

Anyone else notice that Bill Simmons is no longer on the front page of ESPN? He's still on Page 2, though. Strange.

Too bad he didn't call it the DePo Depot

2008-05-12T11:54:00.002-04:00

Paul DePodesta has a blog! Paul DePodesta has a BLOG!

For those who do not understand my fanboy geekery, Paul DePodesta is the assistant general manager for the San Diego Padres. He is formerly the general manager for the Los Angeles Dodgers and assistant manager of the Oakland A's, where I first learned about him in Moneyball. He is the embodiment of the statistical revolution in baseball and I cannot wait to read his thoughts on a variety of topics. He's brilliant but got no support during his far too brief tenure in LA, so I hope this blog can show his abilities and ultimately propel him to another GM gig.

(h/t Dan Shanoff)

I would pay for this myself if I had the money

2008-05-06T13:59:00.006-04:00

But until then, best of luck Mr. Alpert.

Just another urban hipster bragging point

2008-05-06T09:50:00.008-04:00

I love not having a car anymore. I don't have to worry about unexpected repairs or rising gas prices. I feel good that I don't contribute to polluting the air. I get more exercise by walking to and from the metro. There are hardly any downsides to not owning a car.

But then, my address has a Walk Score of 85.

Walk Score is a new mash-up that shows all the available amenities within a (surprise!) walkable distance. It's my new favorite toy. Try it out and leave your Walk Score in the comments.

Update: The house I grew up in got an 8. And no, it's not because it's in Alabama, but because it's in the back of a hugeass neighborhood.

Is it eCleaning? iCleaning?

2008-05-02T14:09:00.002-04:00

Change
Doing some spring cleaning 'round these parts - put up some new links, took down some old ones - so take a look around. Will there be more to come? Come back soon and find out!

/shameless plug

Thanks to allposters.com for the visual aid.

Please send The Mailman away

2008-05-01T11:14:00.003-04:00

Karl Malone sucks at life.

First he told his illegitimate son, Demetrius Bell, that it was too late to be his father - at the venerable age of 18 - and now Fanhouse (via The Buffalo News) is reporting that Malone impregnated Bell's mother when she was 12 or 13 and he was a sophomore at Louisiana Tech.

What's the statute of limitations for statutory rape? I'd look it up myself but I'm afraid my censor overlords at work would see the search on my web usage and throw me out immediately (No, really: a search for "NBA Lottery" was blocked because the system thought I was looking up gambling sites). I would have to think it's an open and shut case: Malone has basically admitted to being Demetrius' father, and simple math will tell you how old Demitrius' mother was when she gave birth to him.

Thankfully the Bells' story appears to have a happy ending. But I don't think most stories like this do, and I hope Malone has to pay for his horrible actions.

Update: Malone cannot be tried on charges of statutory rape; the statute of limitations has expired. (Ed. note: Damn!)

The curse of Alejandro Pena

2008-05-01T10:20:00.002-04:00

I saw the Braves play the Nationals twice this week. Twice I went to Nationals Park, a fantastic new stadium. Twice I saw Chipper Jones, Yunel Escobar and Brian McCann, three of my favorite players. Twice I saw great starting pitching from the Braves.

Twice I saw the bullpen collapse.

Their relief pitching, which was supposed to be a strength at the beginning of the season, has become its biggest liability. I have zero confidence in any reliever currently on the team. Rafael Soriano, originally slated as the closer, is on the DL. Mike Gonzalez, whom the Braves received in a trade before the start of the 2007 season and was designated the setup man, hasn't pitched at all. But now I can say with immense pride the greatest closer in Braves history is back: John Smoltz is going to the 'pen.

I know a pitcher has greater overall value as a starter, but I can't bear to watch another one-run loss. They're 0-9 in one-run games. 0-9! No other team in MLB has lost all its one-run games. These games are supposed to be coin flips; our luck can't be that bad.

Hurry back, Smoltzie. I don't think I can take much more heartbreak.

17 syllables of domination

2008-04-24T13:45:00.003-04:00

Lunch Bucket Bento is hosting a haiku contest this week. Longtime readers of this blog (or anyone who's scrolled through old posts) will remember I used to end every post with a haiku before ultimately deciding to give that up. The haiku skills are still sharp, though, and hopefully I've crafted a winner:

Color and flavor
These mid-day feasts for our eyes
What inspiration

What do you think?

A lone voice of reason

2008-04-19T14:45:00.001-04:00

Mike Greenberg, not a douche.

Connie Mack makes me feel better

2008-04-14T14:46:00.000-04:00

Forbes makes some great sports lists, especially their yearly appraisal of the value of sports franchises. The staff applies its business acumen to an industry in which the numbers are often hidden from fans.

This is not one of those lists.

Forbes has created a "Sports Misery" list that attempts to formulaically determine which American city has suffered the most heartbreak from the local teams. Below is a quick look at their Most Miserable:

1. Atlanta
2. Seattle
3. Buffalo
4. Phoenix
5. San Diego
6. Houston
7. Denver
8. Cleveland
9. Philadelphia
10. Minneapolis

Before I tear this list apart, a quick note on the methodology. Every victory and loss is given equal weight unless a team has won a championship in the last 5 years, which apparently makes everything better*. When I say every victory and loss, I mean that literally: even the Philadelphia Athletics' 1913 World Series victory is counted. This is one of the most egregious examples of formulas for formulas' sake I've ever seen.

If they wanted to use another formula, maybe they could have added one for how seriously the town takes its sports. Have you ever met a San Diego sports fan who just gets sick when the Padres miss the playoffs? According to these rankings, you'd see more of them than irate Eagles fans. Until I see people chucking dog biscuits at Jake Peavy there's no contest.

I could keep pointing out why this list makes no sense but I'll let you do that in the comments. You'll come up with something funnier anyway.

Oh, and Forbes, if you want to improve on lists like these in the future, I have an MBA and a Journalism degree. Just sayin'.

*If the Giants hadn't beaten the Patriots, New York would have qualified for this list. How funny is that?

That got out of hand

2008-03-23T11:35:00.000-04:00

I've always enjoyed comparing Alex Rodriguez's contract to things that make it sound as ridiculous as possible: his initial 10-year, $252 million deal paid him more than the entire GDP of Micronesia or the combined GDP of Palau and Kiribati. The idea of a single baseball player having more economic worth than an entire nation (or two) seems beyond comprehension. Now it appears A-Rod is also singularly more important than major financial institutions. Will Carroll of Baseball Prospectus has pointed out that A-Rod's salary for the next ten seasons will cost more than Bear Stearns.

In business school we were consistently reminded that markets are rational. That's obviously not true, but how can an individual baseball player be considered more valuable than a company that employs more than 15,500 people around the world? Does he really sell that many jerseys? If his signing is about more than making money, how much of his salary is going toward the intangible good of "winning a championship?" Questions like these make me wish baseball teams released their financial information untangled from other business ventures (TV, stadium operations, etc.).

If Congress really wanted to impose its will on MLB, it should force the release of this information as verified by an independent third party. This information would also be of great use when owners complain about not having enough money for a new stadium and threatening to leave if one isn't built. It's only fair to taxpayers that they're allowed to make an informed decision when deciding whether to vote for a tax increase for a new stadium. Even if the vote is restricted to legislators, the voting public has a right to know what value elected officials placed on a new ballpark. And if MLB says no? Congress should take away its antitrust exemption.

Uhhh, this post went from lighthearted to serious really quickly. Look, a kitten in a bag!

Much better.

More proof Europe is richer than America

2008-02-22T15:46:00.001-05:00

You want Karim Benzema? You'll have to give up the entire nation of Kiribati...and then some. The 20-year old Lyon striker is the newest target for Manchester United, but he's not coming cheap. Lyon have set the bar at 45 million pounds, or about $90 million. This money isn't going to the player; it's just going to the team, with Benzema to get a fat contract on top of that. The best part? Even the manager that wants him doesn't think he's world-class...yet. Sir Alex Ferguson believes "Karim, like Steven [Gerrard,Liverpool's captain], will be among the world's top 50 players one day" (emphasis added).

I can't understand why they would pay just 1 million pounds less than the all-time transfer record (Zinedine Zidane, Juventus to Real Madrid) for someone who won't destroy everyone immediately. When Zidane went from Juventus to Real Madrid for 46 million pounds he was recognized as one of the top 3 players in the world. Benzema can't justify that high of a transfer price, so either Lyon is just trying to scare everyone off or Man U will be making repeat trips to Saudi Arabia to pay off the fee.

Yes, I'm still getting paid

2008-02-13T18:36:00.003-05:00

I have to wait a month for my security clearance before I can go back to work. This means I have lots of time on my hands. Sure, I'll do some work stuff every now and then, but nothing that will be vital. So what should I do in the interim? Any new project/hobby you think I might enjoy? Let me know in the comments*.

*First one to say "Post more often to the blog" gets e-punched.

I might still try it

2008-02-11T23:54:00.000-05:00

Conversation with the roommate after looking at pictures of Chelsea's Frank Lampard sporting what might turn into a new fashion trend:

Me: What do you think?
Roommate: Nah.
Me: You don't think you could pull that off?
Roommate: I'd look like I was about to eat lobster.

That doesn't look possible

2008-01-31T16:13:00.000-05:00

In case you haven't already seen this (it was even on SportsCenter!), here's Christiano Ronaldo with his ridiculous free kick goal against Portsmouth. What I like most about this clip is the reaction afterwards: sheer joy, a little disbelief, and finally the thought, "Damn, it's so great being me."

He may like whores, but he's a once in a generation talent.

My Dream of Unity

2008-01-30T19:13:00.000-05:00

CONCACAF has a new Champions League. Three Mexican clubs are joining the Copa Libertadores. Why all the separation? I propose one giant Champions League of the entire western hemisphere that could some day rival Europe's.

CONCACAF (North/Central America and Caribbean) has 40 member nations and CONMEBOL (South America) has 10. That total of 50 almost exactly matches UEFA's (Europe) tally of 53. Combining the two federations also allows for better competition, as it's not hard to visualize the U.S. and Mexico dominating the competition without any South American clubs.

The number of clubs each country could send would be determined at first by their FIFA national team ranking and then after five years through the same coefficient method used by UEFA that measures the strength of the leagues through their performances in international club competitions. I think capping the total number at 64 will provide opportunities for the larger countries to send enough strong representatives while giving each country the chance to send its domestic champion.

There is one thorn in this theory, and that's Canada, natch. Toronto FC is a member of MLS, and the CSL (Canadian Soccer League) is just a weird mess with an International Division that includes clubs from Italy, Serbia and Africa. Africa?! Seriously, Canada, WTF? Whatever, I got bigger fish to fry. Here are the problems that countries with real leagues could face. (Correction: Those "international" teams are just from ethnic parts of Toronto. They don't actually fly across the ocean to play each other. H/t Big Poppa)

MLS

MLS, as you probably know, is split into two conferences for a playoff at the end of the season. No other league in the world (to my knowledge...except for Canada, bastards) is divided in this way. Let's assume that MLS will always have at least two representatives in this new Champions League. That gives a spot to the Supporters' Shield winner (regular season single-table champion) and the winner of the MLS Cup. If the two are the same then I would suggest the second place team on the combined table go, but that's really for MLS to decide. The bigger issue is whether the two spots are granted the same level of entry, whether it's automatic entry into the group stages or any previous qualifying round.

Argentina/Mexico

Argentina and Mexico (along with other countries) do not have just one regular season; they have a spring league and a fall league. I'm willing to make the same assumptions about the clubs from these two countries as I am about the U.S. and ask the same question about the equality of the two spots awarded. In this case, however, is a different question: if the same team wins both leagues, how do you decide who gets the second spot since there were two seasons? I suggest taking the team with the second most total points, but feel free to tell me why this is a terrible idea.

Then there are always logistical issues and complaints of teams playing too many games, especially with the Pan-Pacific Championship. But stop complaining Galaxy fans, your club isn't even the best team in your own city, so you've got a ways to go.

Break out the tape measure!

2008-01-15T18:02:00.000-05:00

Today marks my one-month anniversary since ending my first contract at work. Since then I've...well, done no work at all. Seriously. I haven't gone to work. It's called being "on the bench" and I get paid just as if I was doing real work. I like to think of it as white-collar welfare.

It's been a great month: Christmas with the family, New Year's Eve party at my place, and waking up whenever I've wanted to (these last two days with the contractors aside) It's getting a little stale now, though. I need new challenges since it doesn't look like I'll be going to work for at least a little longer. Since I have already resolved to become more fit this year, I figured I'd keep on that same track. On my Twitter feed (on the sidebar if you haven't noticed) I will note how many pushups and situps I can do in one minute. I also want to improve my flexibility - maybe I'll try the sit and reach for the first time in years.

If anyone has tips for how to improve in those three activities besides just doing them over and over (and not just "go to the gym, dumbass"), let me know.

To improve this year:
Strength and flexibility
With help from the web

There's no ceiling to this one

2008-01-14T20:09:00.000-05:00

My roommate and I got a late Christmas present shortly before New Year's Eve: a hole in our ceiling. Thanks to some faulty caulking around our upstairs neighbor's tub, water leaked into our ceiling and then onto our living room floor. At one point we had a steady stream falling - needless to say we had pots and pans strewn everywhere. The contractors just started fixing it today, but before everything goes back to normal we had to do a little evacuating.

That's where a black leather couch and accompanying coffee table should be.

Obviously that's not my idea of a comfortable seating arrangement.

At least I'm not having to pay for any of this. I'm really not looking forward to home ownership.

This rearrangement
For a three-quarter inch hole
I want my house back

It's better than the Macarena

2008-01-07T17:01:00.000-05:00

I didn't learn how to do the Soulja Boy dance until Matt and Karen's wedding. Looks like University of Wisconsin basketball coach Bo Ryan was just a couple weeks behind me, and I think he does it better than I ever could:

(h/t Black Heart Gold Pants)

Badgers all the way
And all because of their coach
He's got some sweet moves

West London drama

2008-01-06T13:05:00.000-05:00

Queens Park Rangers (QPR), who play just down the road from powerhouse Chelsea, have a new part owner. Lakshmi Mittal, the world's fifth-richest human, has purchased 20% of the club. His personal wealth will now virtually ensure QPR's ascent from League One (third tier of English football) into the Premier League.

Benjie Goodhart of the Guardian now faces a dilemma many sports fans would love to have: is it worth seeing your team rise to the top if it simply bought its way there? This team you've rooted for your entire life will no longer be the lovable losers, but a powerful, yet hated, machine. You will have to deal with bandwagon fans who will claim otherwise, corporate seats replace the ones you've had for seasons on end, and very soon you won't be able to recognize the team.

But they'll win. They'll bring back the trophies you've watched other teams claim. You'll have hope where there used to be none. Your team - your team - will be the envy of the league. You'll be able to prove your true fanhood easily, but you'll have to do it often since 75% of the people wearing jerseys just bought them in the last year.

Which would you prefer, the minuscule chance of your team winning through slowly building the club and hitting on that one perfect season or your club's profile changed almost overnight with the promise of continuous success?

Rise up from League One
But does the team keep its soul?
Which one is worth more?

I didn't embarrass myself too much

2008-01-05T16:41:00.001-05:00

I think I have a resolution for 2008: Be able to outrun guys 20 years older than I am. You'd think this would be an easy resolution to make, but you'd be wrong. I played soccer for the first time since grad school and I was breathing harder than Louie Anderson after seeing a buffet.

Yeah, this guy. Remember him?

But it's good to be back on the pitch, even if it resembles the La Brea Tar Pits. And hey, I even scored a goal! So here's to a healthier year. Happy 2008 everyone!

Huffing and puffing
What do you mean keep running?
Oh, good for me...riiiight

It's just business

2007-12-21T21:39:00.000-05:00

Barry Bonds hates you if you report things he doesn't like, but if you try to put him in jail - totally cool. Bonds is asking a U.S. District Judge to allow him to be represented by two lawyers who used to represent people who testified against Bonds. Besides the tacit admission that lawyers don't have to believe what they're fighting for, Bonds is forced to waive his right to appeal - that's the law. Out of this whole confusing mess, there is one thing we can always rely on: Bonds' incredible arrogance. I can't wait to see the homerun king knock out the bailiff as he tries to haul Bonds off to jail.

More blasts than Aaron
Doesn't mean immunity
You're in such deep shit

Why didn't I think of this?

2007-12-16T23:47:00.000-05:00

It's my new favorite site in all the ebays - Beer Haiku Daily. I will be sending in plenty of haikus. This should surprise no one.

Haikus and beer meet
To create works of brilliance
A natural pair

Twilight of a low-watt star

2007-12-13T23:12:00.000-05:00

The Mitchell Report came out today, and without a doubt the biggest story is the detail to which it described Roger Clemens' steroid use. The information about his use comes from a lengthy sworn statement by personal trainer Brian McNamee that says Clemens began to use steroids in 1998. After Clemens jumped to the Yankees, McNamee continued as Clemens' personal trainer and steroids provider through the 2000 and 2001 seasons, the latter being when Clemens won his record seventh Cy Young Award.

I'm going out on a limb and saying Clemens is finally done, but it made me think of someone who was much more affected by Clemens then I'll ever be. Dan Duquette once famously said that Clemens was in the "twilight of his career" in 1996 and let the Rocket leave the Red Sox for the Blue Jays where he won the Cy Young Award in both his seasons in Toronto. Granted, there is no evidence or even testimony of Clemens taking performance enhancing drugs in 1997, but for two of his award-winning seasons, the man who monitored his performance closer than anyone reported under oath that he personally injected Clemens with steroids, which Clemens reportedly said "had a pretty good affect on him." So this information begs the question: how many scouts and front office personnel careers were affected by the use of steroids? It's not unreasonable to say Duquette was shoved out of the Red Sox based largely on his "mistake" of letting Clemens go.

Players aren't the only ones affected by the steroid era of baseball. Many other careers, including those of scouts, were likely changed based on which players juiced. For this reason, I hope Commissioner Selig punishes every active player found to have done steroids at any point after they were banned by MLB. Deceiving the fans merely taints memories of entertainment; deceiving those whose livelihoods depended on talent evaluation possibly cost them their jobs.

Trickle-down effect
Steroids harm more than players
Justice must be served

They had a good laugh at me in the kitchen

2007-12-11T14:30:00.000-05:00

From a recent trip to rural Illinois:

Me: "The baked apples on the pancakes sound good. Are they baked with cinnamon or brown sugar?"
Waitress: "No. They come out of a can."
Me: "... How about the French toast then?"

Grew up in Bama
But how quickly I've become
Such a city boy

Don't stop believin'...and other bad 80s songs

2007-12-03T14:00:00.000-05:00

I've led a pretty blessed life as a sports fan. I grew up almost literally in the shadow of Bryant-Denny Stadium and one of the most storied college football programs in history. I was raised as a Braves fan, which means life got pretty good for me starting in 1991. The season I began seriously following the NFL, my newly decided upon fandom of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers paid off quickly with a Superbowl victory. In short, I've lived with few disappointments.

This is why Saturday was such a blow. Not only did Aston Villa and Missouri both lose, they lost when presented with an opportunity to firmly plant their flags among the pennants of the perennially superior. I guess I should consider this my initiation into the Non-Dynasty Fan Club. To those of you who have lived with such heartache far longer, my hat is off. I'm not sure how I would have followed sports as passionately as I did with these kinds of defeats as the norm. Perhaps Malcolm Gladwell was right when he wrote, "Sports team loyalty is really an extraordinary act of unconditional love." In the spirit of that sentiment, here's my heart. Do with it what you will; I'll always come back for more.

Come on Villa! M-I-Z!

I'm disappointed
But hope does spring eternal
You gotta believe!

Like you have something better to do

2007-11-29T16:56:00.000-05:00

NDN wastes no time - I just held a contest for the most offensive comment left on GChat while I was away. The responses were too good to limit to one winner. Below are the winners in the categories that I just made up:

1st Place, Nonverbal Division
Erica: "pbbt!"
It's the sound of a raspberry...not the fruit.

1st Place, School Spirit Division
Kara: "Go jayhawks!"
This entry wins for proper capitalization.

1st Place, Xenophobe Division
Big Poppa: "soccer isn't really a sport"
Anyone who knows him knows how the man has never gone anywhere. And hates soccer.

1st Place, Horrible Mental Image Division
Matt: "I heard one time that this dude took a shit, then swallowed it, then shat out the shit and then covered himself in it. The continual degradation of his nutritional diet led to him swelling to become huge and having sex with young boys named Todd while covering himself in cupcake frosting. That man's name... was Mangino. And now you know... the rest of the story."
Do I really have to explain this one? (h/t to Kermit The Blog)

Future competitions to come. Maybe your name will be etched alongside the all-time greats. There's probably only another 5 of you that read this blog anyway, so it can't be that hard.

Offensive comments
Can always brighten my day
My hat's off, victors

Face melting fun

2007-11-28T14:59:00.001-05:00

Most of you who read this blog also read Deadspin, but if you haven't, this video is new to you...unless you've been watching Canadian television.

Sweet dreams.

That's a PSA?
Canadians are twisted
But I'll keep watching

Good to know

2007-11-27T14:09:00.000-05:00

I've been a little preoccupied with American Villan and things that actually, you know, pay me, so my apologies. I will now take this opportunity to blatantly steal from someone else's post and let you know just how highbrow this blog is:

Get a Cash Advance

As long as it's not as awkward as junior high, I'll take it.

Year-plus of blog posts
At a teen's reading level
Haikus: help or hurt?

Update: American Villan was ranked as High School reading level. Maybe I'm getting better at this.

Ready for Primetime

2007-11-03T08:20:00.000-04:00

I have seen the future of American soccer, and it is good.

As I walked up to RFK Stadium Thursday night, I could see the lights peek through the horizontal slots created by the top wave of concrete and its support bars. I've watched soccer games being played at night on TV and marveled at its beauty, but now I was finally going to one. This wasn't some scrub game, either, it was the MLS Cup playoffs. Nevermind that United are the real champions by everyone else's standards, there's always time to play for pride and one more trophy.

The Screaming Eagles weren't the only ones bouncing: half of the stadium was actually moving. I had heard the legend, but only in reference to Redskins games of the past. This time it was happening for soccer. We all sang, we all screamed our heads off, and while the result wasn't what we wanted, for two hours RFK Stadium rivaled any park in Europe or South America - maybe not in numbers, but in passion. I can't wait to be a part of it next season.

A beautiful game
Still better under the lights
You have to see it

2007-10-25T10:24:00.000-04:00

Salutations from Fort Worth, Texas! I'm spending a couple days at Chez Big Poppa before heading down to Austin for Matt's wedding. The wedding extravaganza will surely be its own post, so for now I'll stick to non-Austin shenanigans.

Spent yesterday finally seeing the wonders of Oklahoma, my 38th state on my quest to get them all (you know, like Pokemon). Oklahoma had been quite elusive until this point: somehow I managed to see all eight - eight! - states that border it before finally conquering the one in the middle. The wait was truly worth it. A breakdown of this epic day, with pictures TK:

Fried Pies

When a store is the name of what they sell, the folks inside aren't messing around. There's not a whole lot to look at, save a poster of the upcoming Domestic Violence Expo, but these things are spectacular. They're similar to empanadas but bigger and full of much better stuff. I had a polish sausage and potato one to start with half a pumpkin and half an apricot one for dessert (BP and I split ours up so we could try more pies). The pies are flaky and wonderful - just make sure you don't try to eat them straight out of the bag if you get a savory one: they have a tendency to fall apart if they're still warm.

Action Figure Museum

Just off the interstate in Pauls Valley, OK, you can indulge your inner geek at The Toy & Action Figure Museum. There are multiple areas to relive your childhood with any toy you find, which of course I indulged in. As you walk through, though, you'll find an incredible array of Saturday morning classics arranged in painstakingly detailed dioramas. It just occurred to me, though, that there were no He-Man toys. Maybe I can find my old ones and sell them to the owners. They were actually happy to pay $50 for two unopened toys, so I'm sure I can get $200 for an entire collection of dusty ones. Biggest surprise trip down Memory Lane:

Anyone else remember these?

Oklahoma City National Memorial & Museum

Our most important stop of the day. The Alfred P. Murrah Building sat in the middle of an otherwise serene and, dare I say it, uninteresting downtown. The museum is breathtaking and incredibly emotional - it takes you through the day of the bombing as well as the aftermath. It has several videos of firsthand accounts of the living hell these poor souls endured, which made me tear up on more occasions than I can recall. Also, the explanation of how the FBI agents caught Timothy McVeigh is fascinating: did you know they found him using a personalized vehicle number on an axle blown blocks away? However, the most interesting fact that I either didn't know or forgot was that when he was identified as a suspect, the manhunt to find him took about 10 minutes: he was in jail after being arrested just hours before for driving without license plates and carrying a concealed weapon. After all that time spent plotting and executing the bombing, he made two incredibly stupid mistakes. I'm surely grateful he made those mistakes; the very least that community deserved was a sense of closure.

U.S. Team Roping Championships

Time for some Oklahoma culture. I looked woefully out of place amongst the cowboy hats and mustaches, but I really enjoyed watching and learning the sport of roping. The best always make it look easy, but how in the world do you ride a horse, swing a lasso, throw said lasso with any accuracy and then tighten in time to nab the steer? In this sport there are two riders per team, with one going for the head and one going for the legs. The one going for the head throws his/her lasso first, then the one going for the legs. The object is to do it as quickly as possible. We saw the final go-round (cue the Garth Brooks song) and I have to admit, I got pretty excited as the final riders came up. The crowd wasn't as pumped up as I would have hoped, but that's about the extent of any criticism I can level. How can I possibly get upset with people who have a dirt zamboni? OK, it's a tractor, but still, pretty effing cool.

We finished up the day with some 'cue and locally brewed beer at Coach's while watching the World Series. Who says there's nothing to do in Oklahoma, where the wind really does come sweeping down the plains?

For state 38
Cornucopia of fun
It's more than OK

It's this or incoherent rambling

2007-10-21T12:26:00.001-04:00

I've been gone for awhile, I know. That'll happen when you're suffering a mini-identity crisis. As someone who defines himself largely by what he does for a living, trying to decide the next career move is a frightening circumstance. But I've found solace in the song below (Sweet Religion by Imogen Heap), accompanied by a fantastic video:

Please do not look into this song choice as my commentary on religion. I just think it's a beautiful song and one day I will construct a choreography to it. I miss dancing.

Artistic release
I need to make an effort
To pursue this more

Long live the king?

2007-09-20T18:15:00.000-04:00

On my way home from work I was thinking about who was more dominant - Tiger Woods or Roger Federer. I then realized that even having this debate is the result of an incredible coincidence. Both are likely to be remembered as the greatest to play their respective sport, and to have them both at the peaks of their careers is astounding. I then thought about the rest of the major American sports...is it me, or are we in an era of ridiculous disparity?

NBA - San Antonio has practically won every other year for the last decade.

NFL - It's the Patriots and Colts and the rest is just filler.

MLB - Oddly enough, baseball has had the most parity of any sport recently, but I think we're all getting tired of the Yankees and Red Sox.

Has it always been this bad? History says yes.

NBA - The sport is given to dynasties given that so few people are on the court, so a handful can dominate more easily.

NFL - Steelers in the 70s, 49ers in the 80s, Cowboys in the 90s.

MLB - Yankees.

Golf - Bobby Jones, Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus.

Tennis - I think Borg won Wimbledon so many times the bookies wouldn't even take bets.

Hmm. We always ask for parity, but we've never even had it to begin with. Would we know what to do with it?

Everything equal
Would sports still be interesting
Without dynasties?

----------------
Now playing: Archers of Loaf - South Carolina
via FoxyTunes

The hits keep comin'

2007-09-17T19:50:00.000-04:00

My sister is the shizz.

GRIT (Full Promotional Trailer)

More details to come.

Check out the movie
It's another leading role
For my awesome sis

No, you can't pick up the girls here

2007-09-16T18:41:00.000-04:00

I have officially seen it all. This afternoon I watched some NFL games from Nellie's, a gay sports bar. My roommate, Anik, had told me about this place, but I figured I'd have to go see it for myself. It's not entirely obvious, but once you know the signs are everywhere. I was a little slow to recognize it, though: at one point I thought a lesbian couple was a girl and her mom. Then they started nuzzling.

I think it's great - sports is the last frontier for gay guys. Sure, there have been stories of athletes who have come out, some even while they play, but the stereotype of the effeminate gay male with no interest in sports persists. This bar has the requisite HDTVs and great wings, so there would be no way to know unless you were told. Besides, this place is so irreverent there's no way not to love it. Just click on "How Nellie are You" to see what I mean.

Other thoughts:

The Ravens were lined up for a 38-yd FG until the center moved the ball without snapping it, resulting in a 5-yd penalty. I'm guessing he has Stover on his fantasy team - he wanted the extra point from Stover hitting a FG longer than 40 yards.

From the closed captioning: Panic. He did not. (Not to be confused with Panic! At the Disco.)

I felt like the worst possible NFL fan today. Tampa Bay beat the Saints like they stole something, but I was upset because 1) I want the Bucs to tank so they can get the top pick in the 2008 Draft and 2) I have Drew Brees and Reggie Bush on a fantasy team and they weren't performing at all. Yeah, I care more about Aston Villa than the Bucs. Don't judge me.

Nellie's, down the street
Just my neighborhood sports bar
With a little twist

Alcohol chef

2007-09-03T20:53:00.000-04:00

For Labor Day, Anik and I decided to embark on a new labor - making our first batch of beer. We went to the homebrew store, picked out our kit and a beer (a porter, by the way), and set about on our first steps toward craft beer immortality. A beer story in pictures:

This is the box most of the equipment came in. It's amazing how little equipment it takes to make beer.

It's hard to see, but the grains are inside what is practically a mesh sock. Making beer is a lot like making tea. Whodathunk?

Beer is apparently very finicky. Bacteria just loves to grow in it, so cleanliness is a must.

Porters are known for their rich malty flavor. At this point the beer smells more like candy than an alcoholic beverage.

OK, so we forgot to take any pictures of the hops. That's just how enraptured we were with making our beer. Now it will sit in this airtight bucket for about two weeks. Keep your fingers crossed.

My latest challenge
Beer lover to beer maker
Who knows where this goes?

Overjoyed

2007-09-02T14:05:00.000-04:00

I am absolutely overjoyed right now - Aston Villa have just defeated Chelsea, one of the best teams not only in the Premier League, but the world. This victory is made all the better by the fact that the transfer window just closed and many Villa fans (myself included) were disappointed that no big names were picked up. A few notes from a historic victory:

- Frank Lampard didn't play for Chelsea, which I know hurt them a lot, especially on their 13 corner kicks, but they're so deep it's amazing the loss of one player made such a difference. I guess Roman Abromavich's billions haven't bought enough.

- The officiating was pretty inconsistent. I'm not saying Villa got screwed more, especially with the questionable no-call when Martin Laursen practically rode a Chelsea player bareback.

- Ashley Young has been called up for the England international squad. He's amazing, and Martin O'Neill deserves a lot of praise for signing him away from since-relegated Charlton.

- Zat Knight scored the first goal for Villa on a corner kick. It was his first game with Villa after a last-minute transfer from Fulham. Oh, and he's from Birmingham and grew up rooting for Villa, so I'm sure he's having the best day of his life.

- Didier Drogba was a little bitch with all his flopping. I'm going to reserve judgment on his injury suffered at the end of the game, but if it turns out he was fine and just didn't want to stay on the field for the defeat, I feel bad for the people of Ivory Coast that look up to him.

- Martin O'Neill knows more about soccer than you do.

Villa beat Chelsea
Despite no big name signings
They are a true team

----------------
Now playing: The Eels - Saturday Morning
via FoxyTunes

Beer me!

2007-08-22T23:31:00.000-04:00

It's no surprise that I like beer. I enjoyed it in extremely large quantities in college, and now I've traded quantity for quality. I've had beers from all corners of the world and in every variety I know. I'd like to think I know a little bit about the different kinds of beer and have a good idea what to expect when I order a new one.

Now I've decided to know a lot more about the beer I'm drinking - because I'll be making it. This weekend my roommate and I are buying a homebrewing kit and seeing what we can come up with.

To learn more about it I've been reading up from various sites, including Wikipedia. As always, it was full of great information, but this tidbit at the end especially caught my eye:

Ala. Code § 28-1-1 - "In all counties of the state it shall be unlawful for any person, firm or corporation to have in his or its possession any still or apparatus to be used for the manufacture of any alcoholic beverage of any kind or any alcoholic beverage of any kind illegally manufactured or transported within the state or imported into the state from any other place without authority of the alcoholic control board of the state, and any person, firm or corporation violating this provision or who transports any illegally manufactured alcoholic beverages or who manufactures illegally any alcoholic beverages shall, upon conviction, be punished as provided by law."

Good thing I'm not there anymore, otherwise my dreams would die before ever having a chance. Maybe I can help repeal this silly law if this experiment works out. Eh, better not get ahead of myself - I still have to figure out what exactly wort is first.

The art of brewing
A timeless craft known by those
Who love getting sloshed

----------------
Now playing: The Long Blondes - Giddy Statospheres
via FoxyTunes

The World's Game in One Place

2007-08-12T14:44:00.000-04:00

It's been quite a soccer-filled few days here at NDN. In order of decreasing hype (at least in DC):

1. David Beckham's first MLS action

Sure, he gave us 13 minutes in his premiere against Chelsea, but he had yet to play in a game that counted in the standings. He made a good decision to come out against MLS's most historically successful team, DC United, and a packed RFK Stadium (attendance topped 46,000, which is more than have ever shown up for a Nationals game). Thanks to a certain someone's awesomeness, I was able to see the most anxiously awaited debut since Pele in New York. The game didn't disappoint, and that was before Goldenballs appeared with about 20 minutes to go. He made his trademark pinpoint aerial passes, but he couldn't make his teammates that good. United held on for a 1-0 victory as Beckham probably wondered where Robinho and Raul went. Seriously, the Galaxy suck on offense. Landycakes wasn't much help: he mostly walked around the field, jogging only when he decided it was worth his time. I was told his walk looks very nice, though. It was a great warmup for...

2. The start of the ~~English~~ Barclays Premier League!

First off, let me say that Barclays must have a shitload of cash lying around if they can buy out a league's country being part of the name. Anyway, my boys from Birmingham, Aston Villa, kicked off their season at home against Liverpool. I've been looking forward to the game for weeks, but I wasn't looking forward to the result. Thanks to Martin Laursen sticking one in his own goal and Steven Gerrard's ridiculous free kick in the 87th minute, Villa were stuck on the business end of a 2-1 result. Despite a great preseason, I can't say Villa were very cohesive, but that might have been because I wasn't cohesive. I was playing Edward 40hands throughout the game. It probably doesn't need to be said, but I didn't leave the house until earlier today, where I saw...

3. A Salvadorean soccer league right down the street from my new apartment

Just one more reason I love my new neighborhood. Every Sunday the league plays on the high school football field, and it's a huge outing for the Hispanic population around here. The teams have pretty snazzy unis for a rec league, and you can even get food there! Some women were cooking up Salvadorean food, but the names of the dishes escape me. Note to those in DC: we will have to make a group outing of this before the NFL season starts.

Thankfully, my latest obsession has several outlets. Hey, it's better than heroin, right?

Soccer or football
Whatever you call this game
Definitely hooked

----------------
Now playing: Nas ft. Quan - Just A Moment
via FoxyTunes

There's a party in my pants!

2007-08-05T20:26:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was the DC Deadspin Pants Party, and you loyal readers know I wasn't going to miss an opportunity to rub elbows with fellow ~~alcoholic sports nuts~~ bloggers. We all gathered beforehand to get to know each other before the Nationals-Cardinals game and to prove that people who write online can actually interact with other humans without the series of tubes between them. I met a slew of fantastic people, some of whom can be seen below...

Justin and I are modeling the must-have accessory for every fan, a bus ticket. The bus to the game was free, but I almost missed it while getting cash out of the ATM. Seriously, I was sprinting to the damn thing after spending the afternoon drinking...not the best.

These lovely individuals are Clare and Andrea of Ladies.... Yes, the ellipses is part of the title. I probably messed up the punctuation, so to the copy editors who read this, I hope we can still be friends. Anyway, these two helped set up the whole darn event, so I had to thank at least one of them by posing in a patented Drunk Retard shot.

Yep, that's the one. What the hell is wrong with me? Oh well, she found a way to forgive me.

As for the game, meh. I got in a little late thanks to Clare taking me to a tailgate party (which was how I got drunk enough to make the face above), but it wasn't much of a contest anyway. The Nats were stomping the Cards and Pujols had the night off. I ended up leaving a little early to make it to another engagement, but if you find a Pants Party in your area, I highly suggest you go. Drinking + baseball = new friends.

Would you like to come?
There's a party in my pants
You're all invited

I Can't Get Enough

2007-07-30T19:48:00.000-04:00

I thought Iraq's victory in the Asian Cup was a fantastic moment, but it might become far more than that. There's a tournament called the Confederation Cup, and it's a tournament of champions in international competitions. Guess who else won their regional tourney? Our very own U-S-of-A, who defeated Mexico to win the CONCACAF Gold Cup. Granted, the tournament isn't until 2009, but there's no way this wouldn't be the most politically charged match of the tournament. You know, unless Brazil invades Italy.

Iraq might face us
As pure equals on the pitch
Soccer levels all

Snark need not apply

2007-07-29T17:05:00.000-04:00

Iraq won the Asian Cup, defeating Saudi Arabia 1-0 in the final. Besides how improbable this accomplishment is, I can only think about the hope it can provide to those people. Everyone in Iraq can celebrate this achievement and share in the joy. Once again, sports can accomplish what politics often cannot. In a word, amazing.

One shining moment
Here it's not just a cliche
But a sad wonder

Would You Tap That?

2007-07-26T21:43:00.001-04:00

After getting off the phone with my soon-to-be roommate, my phone told me I had a new voicemail. It had been doing this a lot - not ringing but then telling me someone called and left a message - so I just thought my phone was continuing to suck, no biggie. Nobody called: the message was a portion of the conversation I just had! The creepiest part is only his half of the conversation was recorded - his half. There were only pauses in the message when I was speaking. Is this reason to be alarmed? Leave your reasons why I should be wiretapped in the comments - the more ridiculous the better.

I can't hear my voice
But my phone records others
Am I on a list?

Spread those wings

2007-07-13T17:11:00.000-04:00

I like this whole blogging thing - so much that I've agreed to join on at The Biz of Football. I'll be posting there a couple times each week, so it definitely won't be enough to keep me from posting here, too. All five of you can relax now.

I'm blogging elsewhere
Getting back to my sports roots
I might get paid, too

The beautiful game

2007-07-12T12:33:00.000-04:00

This might be the most important sports article you read all year. It makes me dislike Chelsea a little less, too, which is good.

His countrymen see
From such humble beginnings
Drogba, the idol

The price of vomiting

2007-07-10T21:58:00.000-04:00

Anyone else seen the Kobayashi commercial for Coors Light? World's Fastest Eater, huh? Bad timing, fellas. Just think what you could have done with an American in the commercial.
What will Kobayashi do now that he's no longer king of the speed eating world? Leave your guess in the comments - best comment gets an official No Direction Needed virtual gold star. I can hear you salivating now.

End of an era
Kobayashi reversal
Means soon forgotten?

Rejoice!

2007-07-08T15:29:00.000-04:00

The Australians have come through for us yet again - this time proving that drinking can prevent erectile dysfunction. Raise a Foster's, boys, it's good for you. Or a Yellowtail Shiraz, if that's your thing.

Forget Viagra
Go down to the package store
For your medicine

Do I even need a reason?

2007-07-07T17:48:00.000-04:00

The most dramatic baseball moment of my life (that went well, at least):

If I saw Sid Bream
Or Francisco Cabrera
I'd buy them some drinks

Imitation all around

2007-07-07T12:59:00.000-04:00

I couldn't have found this post from John Sickels' blog at a more appropriate time. The player's career is nothing special, but the comments after it are fantastic. I am once again reminded of how many different possible roads I can travel, and the thought energizes and terrifies me all at the same time. I think I'll use this post as an explanation of my situation at my first therapy session today.

Life after baseball
Desperately trying to fill
That void in his life

I also have a bridge to sell you

2007-06-24T12:44:00.000-04:00

We've all gotten spam from someone trying to scam us out of money. Whether it was someone who needed a brain transplant or a safe bank account to transfer money into, there's always someone lurking out there thinking they can pick out the sucker. What we haven't seen much of lately, though, is the good old-fashioned chain letter.

I was fortunate enough to receive one yesterday. In a word, it was marvelous. It came from a "retired attorney" who wanted to assure me this endeavor was entirely legal. Said attorney (no gender provided) even cited Title 18, Sections 1302 & 1342 of the U.S. Postal and Lottery Laws to prove it! Some other highlights (all stylings and misspellings repeated from the letter):

A tip: STAY COOL.... Keep your job until you plan your next step.
Sow 10% of your income to your church (tithing-Mal3 you reap what you sow.)
The first testimonial came from a Jay Hollman, while the last one (and cleverly placed on the next page) came from Dick Hollman.

The best part, however, was definitely the math used to convince me of how easy this was. Below is the oh so easy way I could make hundreds of thousands, even if only 7.5% of the people I sent a letter to responded:

I should add that the total in the spreadsheet does not match the total in the chain letter; ironically enough, it was less in the letter.

You might be asking yourself, "Gee, this sounds great, but I don't know 200 people to send this to!" Well, don't fret, they've got that covered. All you have to do is send $40 to Data Line...oh, but make sure to tell them you want the names of OPPORTUNITY SEEKERS (again, stylization from the letter). Now let's look at how much Data Line makes, given a 7.5% answer rate:

Way to go, Data Line.

Just mail this letter
And your financial woes: gone
Isn't this easy?

Forgive me Matt Pinfield, for I have sinned

2007-06-20T15:12:00.000-04:00

I must make a confession.

I like Nickelback.

I've liked them ever since 2000, though, so that kinda helps, right? Sigh. Here goes...

I loved "Leader of Men" when it came out. Hell, I loved the entire album. It seemed pretty genuine - a lot of their songs came out of the anguish from growing up in a small town, which I could relate to. They also rocked out pretty hard, so even with their serious lyrics I could have fun with it, a la Semi-Charmed Life. They were a straight-on rock band, nothing more and nothing less.

I have to admit, when "This is How You Remind Me" came out, I didn't like it all that much. Somehow that became their smash hit, and I resented all the people who suddenly liked Nickelback without knowing the words to "Cowboy Hat." Like many bands I've liked, I get very possessive when newbies flock to them.

They've experienced even more success since then, and I had fallen off the bandwagon as their sound became more and more produced. I turned my nose up to them for a few years (secretly) until I heard "Photograph," and not because it was any sort of musical wonder. It just happened to hit me at a time when I was feeling very nostalgic, so those bastards roped me back in. I didn't listen to the rest of the album, but I was willing to admit I liked them again.

The most recent album, "All the Right Reasons," is undoubtedly their solid march into selling out, but I just can't help myself. Their latest hit, "If Everyone Cared," is the third grader's version of "Imagine," but damn if it's not more than a little catchy. "Rockstar" is actually caustic, so good for them for coming back with something that at least tries to matter. There's another song on "All the Right Reasons," "Savin' Me," that sounds like it should be on a crappy movie soundtrack, but that's why they're called guilty pleasures, right?

I still love Chad's voice (or maybe the machines it's gone through), so whatever drivel they come up with next will still draw my attention. Now tell me what I can do for penance.

Made for radio
Canned sound and awful lyrics
Why do I like it?

Groundhog Day for your ears

2007-06-20T10:39:00.000-04:00

On my final trip to Rochester for hopefully a long, long time, I drove a Zipcar without an XM radio. I never listen to the regular radio since I don't have a car myself, so I finally got a chance to check out some pop culture. A few notes:

Pink's new song is hilarious, but I can see some 13 year old girl saying that to a boy and have absolutely no clue what it means, followed by some horrified teacher calling a parent-teacher conference and following that with an assembly and some really awkward classroom discussions.

Speaking of Pink, if she and Kelly Clarkson walked into a club together, would guys even try to talk to them? Seems kind of counterproductive, no?

Why isn't there a U2 tribute band yet? They have enough songs. The lead singer could even dress up like Bono, which I would imagine to be the entire reason for starting the tribute band in the first place.

Avril Lavigne's new song, "Girlfriend?" WTF?! Besides hearing it somewhere around 27 times in 14 hours (drove there and back in the same day - I'm a badass), I just kept envisioning a conversation between Avril and the record execs that went something like this:

Record Exec: You need to tone down your punk girl image. It's not going to sell anymore.
Avril Lavigne: So what do you want instead?
RE: Well, we were thinking, ummm, well, slutty.
AL: OK, but I still get to curse, because that makes me badass.
RE: Sure, whatever, fine. Now put this bikini and oil on - you have a photo shoot to show off your new image in 15 minutes.

Rock is starting to take pop music back from hip-hop. The little hip-hop I heard was drivel, so it makes sense. I remember a radio DJ telling me that it's all cyclical, running on roughly a 7-year cycle. That makes a lot of sense now: the boy bands and Britney marked the end of pop rock and almost all you'd hear on top 40 radio through college was hip-hop.

One thing hasn't changed, though; I heard the same songs over and over again. I'm glad I got to check out what most of the country is listening to, but I'm ready to get back to my Pandora stations. Anyone want to share their favorites with me?

All your favorite hits
On a continuous loop
Till you can't stand them

Amen

2007-06-12T18:22:00.000-04:00

Please take a moment to reflect on this, the holiest of days. Baseball was invented 178 years ago today, June 12.

Bless this dirt and grass
For it is far more than that
It is perfection

Memories > Trust Fund

2007-05-27T17:56:00.000-04:00

Saw this on Future Considerations (via Deadspin) and my heart sank, but not as much as I thought it would. I'd always had a sneaking suspicion the baseball cards of my youth would never be worth as much as those of my dad's childhood, but at least now I know. No matter how long I keep those cards, they're not going to be the nest egg we had all been told they would be.

My dad cannot talk to me about my baseball card collection without bringing up the regret that his was tossed out with the trash. He grew up in the age of Ted Williams and Joe DiMaggio; he had their cards. His collection, like so many others of his time, would be worth enough to buy a Bentley if his mom had been the one mom not to get rid of the cards when he left for college.

In our generation (those who collected cards in the late 80s/early 90s) no parent would think about throwing out baseball cards or any other sort of collectible because they knew the eventual worth of collectibles. I knew some parents that would buy specific cards for their children because of the perceived future value of these cards, as if they were buying savings bonds. Chalk up another failed investment strategy from the 80s.

While it may have bombed as a retirement fund, baseball cards served many other purposes for me. I can still remember getting a pack of cards at the ballpark after one of my games, or seeing them in the grocery store and begging my dad for just one more. I learned more about who played the game and who was good. Heck, I even got a college roommate and lifelong friend out of it.

I have no problem delineating baseball cards as only part of my childhood. I'll find another way to save up for my golden years.

1989
Great baseball card collection
Worth more than money

My complaints are more trivial than yours

2007-05-24T23:41:00.000-04:00

For the uninitiated, the Champions League Final is the Superbowl of Europe. It's such a big deal fans forge tickets and try to storm the stadium before the game. I've become such a soccer nut that I had to watch it, even if neither team (Liverpool and AC Milan) had won their respective league this season.

The problem? It came on at 2:30 PM Wednesday. How was I going to watch the game while at work? Simple - leave work. Leave work to watch a soccer game. That would work, no problem. Hell, why not just tell my boss that I want to do exactly that?

I did. And it worked.

My boss, while not a big soccer fan, used to live in Liverpool. When I told him they were in the final, he became a big fan. He made suggestions of where we would go to watch the game. He made sure he didn't have any meetings. It was set.

At the last minute, he got pulled away. I couldn't leave without him. I was stuck at work while the most important annual sporting event in the Eastern Hemisphere was going on. But I was good - I didn't stoop to following the game on ESPN Gamecast. I was determined to watch the game. I found a replay later that evening. I wasn't going to be around - kickball - but that's why DVR was invented.

So, with the DVR doing its work, I played kickball and went to the league bar afterward. I had just finished my half-price burger and was watching the Braves-Mets game when the bartender yelled out of nowhere, "AC Milan won!" Is there a big enough "Wah-wah" for that one?

I don't care; I'm still bitter. Europeans are stupid for having big games during the week. What the hell is wrong with the weekend?

So disappointed
All of that preparation
Shot down at a bar

Wear sunscreen, and shite like that

2007-05-22T23:11:00.000-04:00

It's been a long time (long time)
Shouldn't have left you (left you)
Without a dope post to read to
Read to, read to, wikiwikiwiki*, read to, read to

With that out of the way, on with the post...

Saw a bunch of graduates this weekend. Consider the following an open letter to the Class of '07.

Your parents probably talked to you about the changes you'd undergo through puberty. They likely talked to you about the changes you'd witness through college. But I'm willing to bet they never discussed with you the transition from college to the real world. It's interesting - so many stages of our lives are dissected and analyzed to the point of redundancy, but so few people ever talk about the time immediately following your transition from student to productive adult. I feel that transition is one of the most important, and most difficult, in all our lives. I can try to analyze why people are much more sympathetic to your fears at 13 than 22, but that doesn't matter. What matters is what lies ahead of you, which is much more difficult than most people ever describe.

Unless you're still a trust fund baby or have your future planned out for you (job at Daddy's firm or friend's firm), the 'rest of your life' is scary as hell. Your decisions become magnified: there's no such thing as a two-week job anymore. Your resume becomes a much more important description of who you are, so it better look good. That first job? Hope you like it, because if you don't, you're right back at Square One, only with the knowledge that you can't fuck up this decision like you did the last one. Did you go to grad school? Better enjoy what you're learning, because going back to get a second advanced degree sucks even more than the first. Of course, none of this applies if you're out to get your Ph.D, but nobody's talking to you anyway - the rest of your life is going to be spent in academia, so you're set. Everyone else in the private sector is freaking the fuck out.

Scared enough? OK, good. Now, relax. Being an 'adult' is infinitely better than being a student. Yes, you get to sleep till noon when you're a senior, but when you're an adult, your life is so much more in your hands. If you're like 97% of the population, when you leave your job, you're done - the rest of the day is yours. There's no homework or paper hanging over your head for weeks on end. You can do exactly what you want with the time you have. Do you like creating mosaics while naked? Go for it! Feel like learning everything there is to know about life deep below sea level? Who's going to stop you?! If you're in control of your life financially, the rest will just fall into place. Now if you can only do something about those pesky student loans...

Life after college is a mixture of fear and freedom, and often the fear comes from the freedom. The best you can do is relax and enjoy what's in front of you. You're going to get older, your alcohol tolerance is likely to come down, and your priorities just might change. Don't worry, soon you'll have more money than you know what to do with.

*Supposed to imitate scratching of a record, DJ-style

Unsolicited
Advice to new graduates
Just some friendly words

Pick me! Pick me!

2007-04-28T15:30:00.000-04:00

I wasn't going to start this until 11AM CDT, but Deion Sanders forced my hand...here's the 2007 NFL Draft! Coming to you from Minneapolis, watching with Duane and Ai Chin (friends from grad school, for those who don't know). Well, Ai Chin got the beer, but I'm not sure how much sheRo's actually going to watch. We're watching the NFL Network this year; screw you and your tipping the picks before the Commish announces them, Berman.

10:44 - Deion's introducing the top 5 prospects to the crowd before the draft even starts...in the immortal words of Kyle's mom, whatwhatwhat?! On the bright side, Brady Quinn got booed.

10:50 - Roger Goodell is trying to make a moving tribute to those fallen at Virginia Tech, but first he has to tell Michael Vick where to go. Not an easy task.

10:52 - I can't believe this. The fans at MSG are booing the Hokie alums. Seriously? That's just tasteless. You know those assholes are Jets fans.

10:53 - It's funny how short Frank Beamer looks next to his former players.

10:55 - If I don't shower, Ai Chin won't make me lunch, I just know it.

11:04 - Fine, I'll wear pants.

11:05 - Hearing so many rumors with the Lions and the #2 pick. As much as I want the Bucs to take Calvin Johnson, I'll settle for the NFC South division title next year.

11:09 - Goodell has just put the Raiders on the clock. Any chance they don't take JaMarcus Russell?

11:13 - Ai Chin is calling from the beer store. Duane got a good one.

11:15 - Talk of Randy Moss getting traded. Always a fun time.

11:18 - Watching mechanics of Quinn and Russell and learning a lot. Why is this never shown on ESPN?

11:20 - Russell's a Raider. No shock there, but now the intrigue begins - what the hell will the Lions do?

11:21 - There are brownies in the oven?! I think Duane and Ai Chin are going to be hosting the draft for a long time.

11:23 - Russell is from Mobile, AL! Why didn't the Tide recruit him? I'm only half-joking when I say it's because he's a black quarterback. Sigh.

11:25 - If Atlanta wants Detroit's pick, they have to give up their 1st round

11:25:30 - STOP TALKING ABOUT THE DRAFT POINT CHART!!!

11:27 - Duane just said he'd shotgun a beer if the Lions took another receiver. Now I'm pulling for them to take Johnson...then trade him to the Bucs once he shotguns the beer.

11:30 - Calvin Johnson is on the phone and smiling...here we go.

11:30:30 - Time to shotgun!

11:32 - Ai Chin found Boulevard beer! God I miss the Midwest.

11:33 - Watching Deion and Russell talk is like listening to a sermon.

11:34 - There's a cooler of beer in the living room. This is turning into the best draft ever.

11:39 - Pat sent me dinoporn. Just wanted to throw that in there.

11:42 - Browns take Joe Thomas. He looks like a Cleveland kind of guy. They're going to love him. They never would have taken to Golden Boy Quinn.

11:43 - Bucs on the clock! Now I hope we get Gaines Adams. If we take Quinn I'm going to lose it.

11:49 - Finished the dinoporn. How do you even get involved in something like that? I just think about all the little things before and after, like the guys getting into their costumes, or what must be going through the woman's mind afterward. Do you just get up and go on with your day after that? Too many questions.

11:52 - Shot of Gaines Adams on his phone. He's smiling. This is looking good. But I think this is almost as bad as Berman tipping the pick.

11:54 - Yep, Adams is the pick.

11:55 - I just heard the word "bubblebutt" and it wasn't meant as an insult.

11:56 - Adams is 6'5 and not that much taller than Goodell. We need David Stern to announce all drafts just for the visual gags.

11:57 - I'm happy enough with the pick. I had my heart set on Calvin Johnson, but we need the help on D.

11:59 - The Cardinals are reported to be picking Levi Brown. Who would have ever thought after Peterson's freshman season he'd fall out of the top 5?

12:02 - Ai Chin just busted out the coasters. I was waiting for that.

12:03 - Levi Brown gets the nod. Someone's gotta protect Paris Hilton's STDs.

12:05 - The NFL Network is showing Brown get punked by Purdue's Anthony Spencer. Earlier they showed Thomas getting burned, too. Spencer might be a steal.

12:06 - Rich Eisen asked the obvious to Matt Millen - another WR?! I kind of hope Millen sticks around for a long time...such incompetence is fun to watch.

12:07 - Redskins are shopping the #6 pick to see who wants Brady Quinn. Why couldn't the Cardinals do that?

12:12 - Deion needs to stop. I hate him more as an announcer than player.

12:14 - Skins are going to take Landry. I kind of like the idea of making one area of your team absolutely dominant; it makes your opponents gameplan around it.

12:15 - Brady Quinn's girlfriend might want to try bleaching her hair less. Oh, and his sister is much hotter.

12:16 - Rich Eisen is talking about Joe Thomas' catch during his fishing trip. I really don't care.

12:19 - This is the 4th time in 6 years the Vikings have had the 7th pick. That's worse than being stuck in mid-round purgatory.

12:26 - Why isn't Green Bay giving away their first-born to trade up to get Peterson? They're going to settle for Lynch and be so disappointed.

12:27 - OK, that's it, next year I'm going to the Draft, if only to get away from this pick-tipping. Adam Schefter is now on my shitlist.

12:28 - I hope the Packers enjoy watching Peterson tear them up for the next 5-10 years.

12:28:15 - I just realized the Vikings would never trade with the Packers. I'm an idiot. But they could have traded with Washington. Phew, I feel better about myself.

12:35 - Just heard Quinn might not be going to the Dolphins - if they don't take him I can't even imagine how far he'll fall. This is now the story of the draft.

12:39 - Jamaal Anderson to the Falcons?! Petrino's former player, Okoye, is still on the board! This draft went from boring to just weird.

12:40 - Deion's interviewing Brady! Brady just invoked Aaron Rodgers, saying he hopes he's not in the Green Room as long as he was! Quarterback fight! Deion just made a plea to the teams drafting - what a douche.

12:42 - I think ESPN's graphics are better, and Mike Mayock can't hold a candle to Mel Kiper. Time to switch over.

12:45 - ESPN is showing Quinn's poise by showing clips of him against Navy. You fill in the punchline.

12:47 - That didn't take long: Steve Young makes me want to throw something.

12:51 - HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!!! THIS IS FUCKING CRAZY!!! TED GINN?!?!?!

12:53 - Mel Kiper is incensed. This is too awesome.

12:54 - I feel like a prophet. Earlier this week I mentioned Devin Hester was the best thing that ever happened to Ted Ginn. Yep.

12:56 - Duane just made an excellent point: Steve Young keeps talking about people being afraid to play in Marino's shadow in Miami. But he had no problem following Montana? What an idiot.

1:00 - How many people does ESPN have working this thing?! They've got the major crew (Berman, Kiper, etc.), the NFL crew (Wingo, etc.) and the MNF crew (Tirico, Kornheiser, Jaws). Plus SalPal and Ed Werder. It takes fewer people to launch a shuttle.

1:05 - Okoye to the Texans - good pick. College graduate at 19. The freefall of Quinn continues.

1:14 - Goodell just invited Quinn to a private suite away from the media because everyone knows he's going to be waiting awhile. This draft just got far too fun. There's a shot of his Green Room table all empty. I'm not a Quinn hater, for the record, but part of the fun of the Draft is the personal drama, and this certainly qualifies.

1:16 - Berman couldn't be more of a Niners and Bills knobslobber if his mouth was locked open (which it often looks like anyway). He just said it's a special time in the draft because they're picking back to back. I have such little respect for him as a journalist once I found out he got a ring from Eddie DeBartolo for the Super Bowl victory.

1:18 - Niners take Willis, LB, Ole Miss. They are going to be good.

1:20 - Now Ai Chin is off to get pizza. I was a little skeptical about a girl being around today, but I'll take it.

1:27 - Bruce Smith got to announce the Bills' pick. That's great. Bills take Marshawn Lynch, which makes sense since they lost McGahee, but where does that leave the Packers? I'm enjoying the middle of the round much more than the beginning.

1:36 - Kornheiser made a good point: Goodell has been acting very much like a father in his short tenure as NFL Commissioner thus far. Interesting to see if he takes it too far.

1:39 - Rams took Carriker. Whatever.

1:44 - Our first trade! The Panthers traded down with the Jets. For Quinn maybe? Hahaha.

1:45 - Pizza's here! Ai Chin rocks.

1:46 - Jets gave up their first, second and fifth round picks for the Panthers' first and sixth round picks. They must really like whoever they're about to draft.

1:53 - Jets take Revis. Hope he's a true shutdown corner. Newsflash: Jets fans are a little excitable.

1:57 - I have been eating since I woke up. And drinking beer. Eh, who am I kidding? Screw it.

1:59 - Steelers take Timmons in the worst kept secret of the Draft. But it was fun when they cut to him - he was literally sitting in a green room. Seriously, it was like he was inside a lime.

2:03 - Why is Mortensen talking about the Packers taking Quinn? Although, the idea of AJ Hawk getting to talk shit about banging his sister on a daily basis would be great.

2:06 - ESPN is interviewing Quinn! He's being very gracious. While I'm enjoying the drama of where he'll go, my heart goes out to him and his family...but not his girlfriend. She just looks like a mindless bitch. Over/under on how much longer he stays with her: 4 months.

2:12 - Berman is stalling; he really has nothing to say. That's fun to watch.

2:13 - The Pack go with Justin Harrell, DT, Tennessee. Kiper's draft board is completely fucked. Maybe he can eat at Burger King everyday and turn into Gilbert Brown.

2:15 - Mort is getting tag-teamed by Steve Young and Keyshawn. Of course those two clowns would have wanted an offensive guy for Favre. Now Young thinks every pick is personal to the QB and speaks to him and him alone. I don't think I've ever started hating someone so quickly.

2:23 - Denver has gotten Jacksonville's 1st round pick. I have no idea what's going on, and that's how I like it.

2:25 - Steve Young just got told to shut up by the producers, I'm sure. FYI, Denver gave up its 3rd and 6th round picks to move up four spots in the Draft. I've never understood that, especially at this stage of the Draft. Seems awfully pricey.

2:27 - Denver takes Jarvis Moss from Florida. Now all I can think about is whether Gaines Adams is that much better than Moss, especially with the kind of value the Bucs could have gotten for the 4th pick.

2:31 - This running diary will end when Quinn gets drafted, I promise.

2:35 - Bengals take Hall. Hope he likes wearing orange...and I'm not talking about the jersey! Thank you, thank you, I'm here all weekend, tip your waitress.

2:37 - Damn, it's really nice outside. Someone needs to take Quinn so I can go play out in the sunshine.

2:41 - How many times are they going to show the "hot because she's wearing too much makeup" chick with the Brady Quinn jersey? I won't even mention that they're playing the Stones instead of a band whose concert tour wasn't sponsored by a mortgage company.

2:48 - Titans go with Griffin. Insert Pacman joke here. I'm just waiting to see what happens with Quinn.

2:58 - Giants take Aaron Ross. I've gone outside between picks. In fact, from here on out I'm just waiting till Quinn gets picked.

3:16 - Cowboys just traded their pick to the Browns. Uh oh...

3:17 - ...it's over! Brady Quinn to the Browns! From the looks of the Browns fans, they're just fine getting him now. Quinn with Thomas protecting his blindside. There you go, Crennel, you've got the pieces, now you have to make them succeed. Props to Phil Savage, who got Quinn much later than everyone thought he could. They gave up their #1 pick next year, so it doesn't come without a price. I'm going to enjoy the fantastic Minnesota weather. How many times can you ever say that?

Players are chosen
Sometimes not by their design
Who did your team pick?

We just choose not to dominate

2007-04-25T23:57:00.001-04:00

We all know soccer is not the biggest sport in this country. Very few kids have dreamed of growing up to become professional soccer players. But what if they did? I know this country has enough natural athletes who would have excelled in the sport if they pursued it*. Below is a possible starting XI (that's how it's written) for Team USA, including current position and team. Please note: this lineup is built using a customary 4-4-2 formation.
*I tried to include hockey players; I really did. All I kept coming up with was either Chris Chelios or Mike Modano and they're just too old. America has given up on hockey. Oh well, more for soccer, right?

Goalie: Joe Mauer (C, Minnesota Twins)
I always thought the skills that make someone a good catcher would translate to a good goalie. Mauer gets the nod only because the 2006 World Cup would have marked the end of Jason Kendall's career. As long as I'm being entirely speculative, might as well take it all the way, no?

Left back: Bruce Bowen (SF, San Antonio Spurs)
He's getting up there in years, but he's the only one who could contest Peter Crouch on headers, and besides, he would be brutal on prima donnas like Zlatan Ibrahimovic or Christiano Ronaldo. Step over deez nuts, bitch.

Center backs: Torii Hunter (CF, Minnesota Twins) and Ed Reed (S, Baltimore Ravens)
Hunter would also be great defending set pieces with his hops, and Reed's ability to survey the entire field and anticipate plays would lead to many intercepted crosses.

Right back: Champ Bailey (CB, Denver Broncos)
Bailey's natural cover abilities would translate easily to soccer. There's no way he'd leave some streaking midfielder unmarked down the side.

Left midfielder: Michael Vick (QB, Atlanta Falcons)
You can't tell me he wouldn't have some sick moves to go with his blazing speed. Plus, he has an international moniker and he could spread good cheer and, well, you know, to other countries.

Center midfielders: Gilbert Arenas (PG, Washington Wizards) and Chris Paul (PG, New Orleans Hornets)
Arenas is the guy who can do it all - create plays for himself or set up his teammates. Besides, he's a great quote all the time and to see him interact with players from around the world (and blog about other countries) is too much to pass up. Chris Paul, while a young guy on the team (Jason Kidd just misses the cut), would still make for a helluva playmaker and lead the team in assists.

Right midfielder: Reggie Bush (RB, New Orleans Saints)
His otherworldly agility makes his selection a no-brainer. He would pack the house in whatever sport he played, so whatever. He's the best.

Strikers: Allen Iverson (PG, Denver Nuggets) and Dwyane Wade (SG, Miami Heat)
Would AI's killer crossover translate to his feet? I see no reason why not. Wade has a nose for the hoop, so changing that to the back of the net isn't much of a stretch. I figure by this point you have the idea, anyway.

Bring on the Brazilians!

We'd rock at soccer
If our best athletes played it
Here's a real Dream Team

Fred Durst is suddenly popular

2007-04-24T21:28:00.000-04:00

I'm a little late posting this idea, but I know some people are likely to come after me with pitchforks and torches if I don't update this thing. Here's a fun game to play if you're bored at work or just avoiding work in general (Aside: That's probably a reason you're reading this in the first place.). It's called the Supergroup Game and it's very easy to play. All you have to do is name a lead singer, guitarist, bassist and drummer, each from a different band, and you have a supergroup. If you don't remember their names, you can say "Bassist from ____." You can try to go for combinations you'd like to hear, or maybe try to create the most obnoxious band in the world. It's your call. Here's an example:

Kid Rock, singer
Noel Gallagher (Oasis), guitar
Flea
Drummer from Dave Mathews

Enjoy.

Mixing and matching
For musical supergroups
Great for wasting time

The Quick and the Cold

2007-04-16T21:34:00.000-04:00

First, a quick rant. How the hell can it be so cold in DC in the middle of April that it's impossible to sit through a baseball game without losing feeling in your fingers and toes?! That's just wrong. Mother Nature needs a complaint number like you see on the backs of 18-wheelers.

OK, now that that's out of the way...

The metro ride home from RFK is a long one by DC standards. It's 11 stops - one stop from traversing the entire District on an east-west line. As the train was pulling into the 9th stop, McPherson Square, I had an odd flashback. For a split second, I felt like I wasn't entirely sure where I was going, as if I didn't live here. I was tired of riding on the train and I could even say I felt a twinge of homesickness - the kind you get when you're alone and unaware of your surroundings. But, as I said, it passed as quickly as it arrived, and less than 5 minutes later I was getting off at my stop and walking home.

I'm always amazed at the complex emotions we can feel in such a brief time. The greatest irony is it can take exponentially longer to describe what our brains can process instantaneously. I don't know if what I briefly felt meant anything - I don't know what I would be homesick for because I love it here - but since most of daily life is a process, it's nice to know such complicated thoughts can still run through.

Started with a rant
But finished more serenely
Better than reverse

Talk the talk

2007-04-07T15:38:00.000-04:00

Some of you may remember when Sports Guy posted a link to William Shatner's spoken word interpretation of Rocket Man. If not, or if you just have to see it again, here it is:

While this is absolutely ridiculous, I think Mr. Shatner could reach even higher. Here are some suggestions:
Nookie, Limp Bizkit (So you can take that cookie, and stick it up your yeah!)
My Humps, Black Eyed Peas (What you gonna do with all that ass?)
It's the End of the World as We Know It, REM (The whole damn song)

Your suggestions are welcome.

Spoken word lyrics
A fun game when I was young
Now has a new twist

Mark this day

2007-04-07T15:14:00.000-04:00

Let it be known that on April 7, 2007 CE, I had internet (wireless, no less) installed in my apartment. Besides the fact that the Comcast guy appeared within the three-hour window he said he would, my bill is now lower than when I had just cable. Whatever. What this means for you, loyal reader, is you will be getting more frequent updates in this corner of the blogosphere. Hooray for lack of productivity!

Wireless is mine
No more trips to hotel bars
Just to check email

Farewell, and good luck

2007-03-31T10:45:00.000-04:00

When we met, it was love at first sight. I can still remember everything about our first time together. We went all over the country and I cherished every moment.

But when I moved to DC things changed. I became more independent. We saw less and less of each other, which was entirely my choice. Eventually I wanted the relationship to end but was too lazy to do anything about it. And then one day I made a phone call...and just like that, it was over. Complete finality. Done.

My car is gone.

I don't think I've fully realized what's happened, but the car I had for more than six years is no longer mine. That car was a big part of me - it carried some of my most valuable possessions and will always carry some of my most valuable memories. It was a constant during a period in which I moved seven times. On more than one occasion I packed my entire life into that car and set off for a new adventure. In that car I found peace, happiness and a connection to the world around me.

It's also part of a past life. Until I moved to DC the biggest city I spent more than three months in was Rochester, NY. I had to drive to get anywhere and I was always looking for somewhere new to go. Driving was my escape. Now I live in a metro area with a phenomenal subway system and more places to go than I have time.

For those who don't know, I have a big U.S. map with lines over all the roads I've driven/traveled. Those roads have meant a lot to me - as Matt put it so well, the act of traveling is just as important as getting to the destination. Those roads are going to look a little different from now on - my old companion won't be with me.

My car was my friend
But like some relationships
You have to move on

Toronto = Atlanta, right?

2007-03-21T17:26:00.000-04:00

To borrow (OK, steal) from this post, I used to believe that Canada's climate was the exact same as that of the U.S. Specifically, I thought southern Canada was warm like the South is warm in this country - you know, everything started over once you crossed the border. What did you used to believe?

The south is the South
No matter where you're living
Borders are magic

My portal to the world

2007-02-22T18:47:00.001-05:00

Two ridiculous sightings at once:

1) Watching Fox College Sports Central and seeing a broadcast from KOMU, my old station in Columbia.

2) During said broadcast, a Coke commercial featuring a buddy of mine from high school. I had only seen the commercial maybe once before, so that was fun.

I love my TV
It keeps me so connected
In ways unforeseen

Wardrobe Malfunction

2007-02-22T18:25:00.001-05:00

I like to think of myself as reasonably stylish. Even when I go to work I don't want to wear the same old boring shirt and tie - gotta spiff it up a little, you dig? So, yesterday I wore to work and received more than one disparaging comment about my choice of attire. I decided to run an experiment: the next day I would wear something very ordinary, something like . Before 11 AM I had two different people tell me I looked "sharp." Sometimes being right makes me sad.

Project managers
Not on cutting edge of style
Next: a fedora

It's all lies

2007-02-17T08:57:00.001-05:00

When I was younger, one of the small pleasures in life was waking up weekend mornings and looking outside to a bright blue sky, knowing that the blue sky also meant a warm day just asking to be played in. I was often denied that pleasure in Missouri or Rochester - the gray sits on top of you like the lid on a box - but now that I'm in Washington the blue skies have returned. Unfortunately, the same connotation does not. I feel so deceived when I walk outside to a perfectly clear sky only to get hit in the face with a bitter chill. Where is the hip, densely packed urban metropolis with an excellent subway system that is actually warm? Maybe I have to go build it myself...

Blue skies and sunshine
No longer equal warm days
Stupid sun angle

It fills my heart with joy

2007-02-14T15:34:00.000-05:00

Today is a day of love. Today is a day of beauty and hope. This is the one day every year in which problems and flaws are set aside for the gift of hope. Only the positives are accentuated today; the negatives can wait. No matter who you call your own, today is bound to put a little hop in your step. Today we can all utter the five most beautiful words in the English language:

Pitchers and catchers report today.

Spring training is here
Every team can win it all
Even the Royals

Jealousy rears its ugly head

2007-01-29T21:52:00.001-05:00

My HD cable setup has exposed me to some pretty cool and different shows. One of the stations that comes on my INHD channel, MOJO, has a show called Beer Nutz. You would think this would be my favorite show ever. Nope. It makes me sad.

I just finished watching an episode where they explore Portland and I'm left with one dominant thought: this show is just not what it could be. I guess that's what happens when your show comes on a station that doesn't even get its own channel. I want to be the executive producer/host of this show, STAT. Here's how this show can quickly improve:

1) Script the host portions more tightly.
I don't mind the show having two hosts. I mind them not knowing when each should talk. At one point the two hosts were standing in front of a statue and they were verbally tripping all over each other. One of the hosts had his thumb pointed behind him at the statue for at least 10 seconds waiting to talk. Learn your lines or have cue cards - you aren't ready to play off each other and ad lib.

2) Don't do the work for the brewers every time you meet them.
Seeing how beer is made = cool. Boxing 50 cases of beer (and making us watch) = boring TV. It almost looks like the show had to cut a deal with the brewers. Note to the producers: You're giving these guys free advertising. Your hosts shouldn't have to work at the brewery as well.

3) Don't point out your mistakes.
During an interview of the host of a local show, one of the Beer Nutz hosts called the interviewee a "little" celebrity instead of a "local" celebrity. I'm all for keeping things organic, but if you screw up, just do another take, especially when the guy you're interviewing works in TV himself. He'd be the most likely to understand. What's worse, though, is that after the gaffe, a graphic came up saying that Eric (the Beer Nutz host) meant to say "local" instead of "little." I'm willing to bet at least half the audience either missed it entirely or would have let it go in 1.5 seconds. Save the bloopers for the credits - if you have to show them at all.

4) Don't put people on the show that advocate cheap beer.
The show is about the wonderful world of craft beer. It aims to educate its adoring public and bring the unfortunate heathens into the light. At no point should the words "Pabst Blue Ribbon" be uttered, especially as it was in this episode. One woman says that PBR is the true beer of Portland. Producers - what in the world were you thinking?! This is your show; you have the power to convey your message exactly as you deem fit. This is not a journalistic piece that has a moral obligation to let both sides speak. You've already chosen your side - now you need to defend it. Horrible, mass-produced beer has been the only readily available choice for far too long. Craft beer is now finding its place in this country, and your job - no, your mission - is to show America that good beer is sitting on its doorstep. Precious airtime was given to an opinion that had no business being on that show.

5) Don't show the hosts drunk or urinating.
I can't believe I'm even having to say this. By showing the typical "guys at the bar" scene, the show is simply proving the wine snobs right. Have you ever seen a wine tasting show where the hosts are slumped over in their chairs at the end? I'm not trying to make beer snobby, but part of the point of craft beer is to show that beer can be sophisticated as well. There was a great segment where they showed a meal being paired up with an appropriate beer. The juxtaposition of that image with the two hosts standing side-by-side at urinals isn't going to work. Everyone knows that you gotta pee after downing some brews. Show us what we don't know.

To use the show's rating system, I'm giving it one keg out of five. The potential is there, but the execution leaves much to be desired.

I love the premise
Drinking around the U.S.
Please make it better

Don't Call it a Comeback

2007-01-27T09:09:00.000-05:00

The wait is over.

Here comes Post #100.

First, please allow me to explain my prolonged absence: I've had nothing terribly interesting to say. I spent most of December at work or in a bar...not that there's anything wrong with that. My Hill friends and I just ended up going out damn near every night. Aaaand, since we're no longer in college, tales of drinking just really aren't that fascinating anymore, so no new posts.

But I needed to do it. I needed to connect with my new group of friends in whatever way I could. I'm not sure what will eventually come of it, but I needed to establish myself here the best way I knew how. I didn't want to be on the periphery of a group - I wanted to be an established member of a circle of friends. I have that now.

I have to admit, though, it's a different group, and a different kind of circle, than the ones I had in college or grad school, and I'm still adjusting. It's much harder to see people on an everyday basis since I live alone and not within walking distance of the usual pubs. Even when I was seeing these people almost everyday it was still more difficult to get to everyone's core and feel truly connected than in previous stages. I enjoy their company and definitely consider them friends, but something's different. Perhaps we're all just becoming boring adults who don't have anything new or interesting to say. Perhaps we're too busy trying to schmooze with someone who can help us get that next job. Perhaps it's them. Perhaps it's me.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Work...is work. But that might change soon. And that's all I have to say about that for now.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have all these things I want to say, but I'm stuck for how to say them. I know, it's every hack's curse. I love the idea of writing and love reading good writing, but right now I don't have it. I have a lot to say at another time, but for now I need to get some more direction in my life. Right now I'm slightly overwhelmed.

Thoughts dash like sprinters
Leaving as soon as they came
Too many to track

So I'm emotional sometimes, shut it

2006-12-07T23:59:00.000-05:00

As mentioned in the previous post, I'm a huge fan of The Weepies and "Gotta Have You" in particuar. But why am I so addicted to it? I have to admit it, I would love to hear a girl sing this song in reference to me. I can only think about the man this was sung about and be infinitely jealous. I get a similar feeling when I hear "Possession" by Sarah McLachlan - I would kill someone to be the woman she was speaking of in the song (and yes, she was a lesbian when she wrote the song). How that woman let her go I will never understand, but that's another post for another day.

My point is that I guess I can be easily swayed by overtly romantic gestures. Of course, as a guy, I haven't been the object of too many overtly romantic gestures. Maybe if I were a girl I would have more experience differentiating between the genuine and the imposters, but right now I would be blown away by not too much.

My suggestion to my straight female readers is to try something out of the ordinary. You don't have to sing to the object of your affections if that makes you feel uncomfortable. My suggestion, especially to the straight women, is to try as hard as he did during at least the first date. Believe it or not, we like effort, too, and not just sexually. We like knowing that you're interested in us for just as many reasons as we're into you.

Love to be romanced
Woman or man, no matter
Want to see you care

Here you are, you jackals*

2006-12-05T18:20:00.000-05:00

I haven't had much to post about/felt like posting, but sometimes you have to do things out of self-defense. Here's the latest mix CD I made for myself, with some help from the iTunes Party Shuffle:

1) Bootsy Collins feat Kelli Ali - Play
A great shake-your-booty track to kick things off. We all love Bootsy, and Kelli Ali has the vocals to be a club queen. Check her out on "Home Honey, I'm High."

2) Scissor Sisters - Don't Feel Like Dancing
Not since "Semi-Charmed Life" has a song's vocals made me feel the exact opposite of the singer. If you sit through this song and don't want to move even a little bit we can't be friends.

3) Hoodoo Gurus - Good Times
A little cheesy, but it's hard not to like simple, fun rock 'n' roll.

4) The Charlatans UK - Green Flashing Eyes
I had heard of these guys before, but never listened to them. My bad. Trippy lyrics, a drum-like machine I can't put my finger on and just a dash of funk makes this band one to keep learning more about.

5) Kashmir - She's Made of Chalk
Haunting guitars and lyrics bent on corrupting someone. If you don't know why I would like this song, then hi, I'm Jason, and welcome to my blog.

6) The Postal Service - Sleeping In
Yeah, "Nothing Better" might have made a better choice here, but it's still a good song. Note about "Nothing Better" - the line, "Like a goalie tending the net in the third quarter/Of a tie game rivalry" is completely nonsensical. No sport with quarters I can think of has a goalie. Does lacrosse have quarters?

7) Sloan - Underwhelmed
A song about being so much of a nerd you can't even stop yourself from correcting the girl you have a crush on...brilliant! This song lacks the ridiculously catchy hooks from their other tracks, but, dude, it's Sloan - they still rock it out.

8) The New Pornographers - The Slow Descent Into Alcoholism
Longtime readers may remember The New Pornographers as a "Latest Music Craze." They're more than just a flash in the pan, folks; I'll be listening to them for a long time. This ditty from their debut album is irreverent and infectious, falling in line with the rest of the album.

9) Eels - Fresh Feeling
The sweeping organ and E's beautifully monotone voice you know. The drumbeat is a little more upbeat, probably to show that the rainbow is finally coming after the rain. If E can be hopeful, we all can.

10) Rilo Kiley - Jenny, You're Barely Alive
I couldn't imagine having a conversation with Jenny Lewis - I'd just want to listen to her talk the whole time. She tells a great story in every song, too.

11) Long Beach Shortbus - California Grace
I don't care for much else from this band, but this song is the epitome of laid-back California. Just an easygoing song that reminds me I haven't lived on the West Coast yet. Summertime, and the livin's easy.

12) The Shins - Call To Apathy
Are they country? No, can't go that far. I wouldn't even put them as far as Ryan Adams. It's folksy with well-constructed lyrics. That's good enough for me.

13) The Weepies - Gotta Have You
This is the song I've played the most in my iTunes, and it's not even close. The lead singer's vocals first sound childlike, but then she blossoms immediately into an achingly sweet tone that's meant for a rainy day. The lyrics are about as melancholy as possible, but it just sounds too good to make me sad.

If you'd like a copy of this one let me know. I'll be more than happy to mail one your way.

*OK, so it's just Dan...but still.

With the new system
I have to make new CDs
If I didn't? Wrong.

I have a new goal in life

2006-11-13T09:34:00.000-05:00

Went to a wedding this weekend - fantastic time, of course - and among the guests were three bartenders. I have found my people.

We are gathered here
To partake in this union
And get sloppy drunk

Rampant consumerism!

2006-11-09T16:29:00.000-05:00

Before I run off to yet another wedding this weekend, I have to give further evidence that I am indeed becoming The Man:

Behold my glorious home theatre system (rear speakers not shown). The saddest part: this will probably pay for itself in reduced trips to the bars.

Forty inch TV
High def with surround speakers
But not suburban!

A Capitol Idea

2006-11-07T23:25:00.000-05:00

Many thanks to Erica for the idea for today's blog post. She sent me an article outlining the rules for proper drinking etiquette in the Czech Republic (link no longer exists) and suggested I post a similar guide for those drinking in DC. Gladly.

Rule #1: The More You Know

If you're going up to the bar to make your order, know what you want ahead of time. DC is a city of many bars but even more alcoholics, so bars here are always crowded. For your sake, other patron's sake and of course the bartender's sake, have your mind made up. The bartender has many more self-important lushes to serve, and asking what's on special more than once will aggravate him/her very quickly.

Rule #2: Nobody Cares Where You Work

Speaking of self-importance, the level of douchebaggery in DC can be astounding. Please do not kill everyone's buzz by shamelessly dropping names or regaling us with endless stories of starfucking. First, you're out with friends, not networking (and no, we are not always networking), and second, all your babbling will do is push someone into a pissing contest with you. You'll eventually lose and look like an even bigger idiot.

Rule #3: You're at a Bar, not a Meeting

It's a very common occurrence to see people hit the bars straight after work. Happy hours are almost as prevalent as interns, and many people don't even get off work until most people would be out for the night. As a result, you'll see a lot of guys still in their suits. I applaud their dedication to getting intoxicated and forgetting how little of their souls remain. Some need to be reminded they're off work, though - the tie is just as tight and the pleats are just as crisp. Loosen up, literally. Your firm or Congressional office provides drycleaning, even if you have to sneak it in with your boss'. Remember, you're the one picking it up anyway.

Rule #4: Stop Staring

Another common occurrence at DC bars, particularly those on the Hill: random hookups. If you see a friend who appears to be on the way toward one, it's best to act as if that person no longer exists. You'll get all the good gossip eventually - nothing on the Hill is a secret. Since the Hill can often resemble high school with its insularity, some have reverted to a similar maturity level. No cock-blocking or cooch-mooching (I just made that one up and will copyright it shortly), please. The only time you can stop it is if your friend is too drunk to know what's going on or if the object of your friend's affection has an STD. Other than that, let it go...since most people on the Hill don't venture far beyond the Hill, their options are limited. Let them have a good time.

Just like in the government, all national bar laws should be observed as well. These are simply those specific to the District.

Drinking in DC
Avoid the soulless staffers
And all will be well

I'm dehydrated from crying so much

2006-10-23T23:19:00.000-04:00

I know a lot of you have seen it already, but if I don't share this, the terrorists have won. A comedic genius has written an open letter from Ethan Albright, offensive lineman for the Washington Redskins, to John Madden. He's commenting on being the worst rated player in this year's game.

Click here for the funniest damn thing I've read in a long time.

Ethan Albright sucks?
Madden certainly thinks so
Now Albright strikes back

Good luck, wherever you are

2006-10-16T22:27:00.000-04:00

Most of my friends know I'm not crazy about my job. One of the small pleasures, though, has been walking down to the cafe and exchanging pleasantries with the woman who worked the cash register. I only knew her first name and she only knew mine, but I enjoyed the 15 seconds we talked every morning. It was usually very banal, something about her being tired or me slogging through another day, but it's still nice to see someone who seems glad to see you, superficial as the conversations may be.

She left this week to pursue a career in nursing (the only real information I ever got about her). I wish her the best, of course - nobody wants to be stuck behind a register all their life - but the selfish part of me is just a little sad she's gone. I never thought about her as soon as I walked out of the cafe, but there's nothing wrong with that. We can't be best friends with everyone we know - just not enough time. Doesn't mean there wasn't enough time in the day to enjoy the small interaction we had.

I wonder how many people we have such relationships with over the course of our lives. Do we remember them? Do they remember us? Can such a relationship have any sort of impact on another's life? I have no idea, but it's something fun to think about on a random Monday night.

You hardly know them
But your parents see you less
Any influence?

A new feature!

2006-10-01T17:31:00.000-04:00

I love beer. I don't love getting sloppy drunk (anymore), but I still love beer. I can firmly say I have graduated from the Cheap Regular American Pilsner - C.R.A.P. - to a world of multiple flavors and styles. I've enjoyed beers from several countries and have tried virtually every style of beer I can think of. I have decided to pass along this information in a new regular installment on this blog called "Better Beers." I will sample a new beer and review it for your drinking pleasure.

With no further ado, the first beer reviewed is Dominion Oak Barrel Stout. As I have mentioned previously, I love a good stout, and this beer proved to be no exception. The dark roasted malt and oak/bourbon conditioning provide a good deep beginning to the beer, but what set this beer apart is its vanilla finish. The vanilla hits the palate so completely you might forget you were drinking beer. It's a fantastic dessert beer, and at 5.2% ABV you aren't likely to end your night prematurely.

Old Dominion Brewing Company, the makers of this beer, are located in Washington, DC. They produce roughly 30,000 barrels of beer per year, so distribution outside the East Coast may be hard to find.

Don't worry, though, I'll be sure in the future to profile beers you can find in your area soon. It's not like I'm going to quit drinking them.

And yes, Dan and Matt, this means I've gone back to drinking. My metabolism has gone through the roof with my training...and I'm also very, very weak.

Reviewing good beers
Dominion Oak Barrel Stout
Many more to come

Just get rid of the idiots who can't hold their liquor

2006-09-25T23:13:00.000-04:00

I wish I had grown up closer to a large metro area for a lot of reasons. I was reminded of one of those reasons as I went to the Virgin Music Festival. I can easily see the 15 year old version of myself getting there early to get as close to the stage as possible and jumping around for 10 hours without stopping, losing myself in the raucous noise.

Now that's not to say I was sitting around like a bump the whole time. It's just become apparent to me that I don't need to spend an entire day at a concert festival. I had a good time, but I'm done fighting to maintain my inches of space in the crowd and knowing I have to stay in one area for hours on end. Virgin brought a great lineup (even without Keane, whose lead singer went into rehab), and here's who I got to see (in order):

The New Pornographers - As many of you know, this is one of my favorite bands and one of the main reasons I opted to drop the cash to go. They were a lot of fun, but Neko wasn't with them, leaving the female vocal duties to Kathryn, who did an admirable job, but replacing Neko is an impossible task. Bonus points because I inadvertently met Kathryn later on. More details to come.

The Raconteurs - Jack White's side project had an energetic show without being over the top. He's become one of the world's biggest rock stars and he definitely plays the part. Watching him on stage you know he couldn't be anywhere else. I don't listen to their stuff, so I don't really have much more to add.

Gnarls Barkley - I was skeptical when they came on, seeing as how I never got into them that much. I still don't understand how "Crazy" got as big as it did, and when I listened to their other stuff on their MySpace page I wasn't impressed. Consider me converted. Cee-Lo is a showman - goofy as hell, but a showman. Everyone came out in ancient Greek garb, and Cee-Lo rocked the Trojan helmet, complete with plumage. Danger Mouse acted more like a lab technician, but he's a producer, so I'm willing to let it slide. Maybe they're one of those groups that just sound better live.

After the Gnarls Barkley show, I went to sit in the grass and chill before The Killers came on. I looked to my left and saw a woman wearing sunglasses and the hood of her sweater pulled over her head in a very Unabomberesque fashion. However, the sweater looked very familiar, and I could see some of her red hair. I glanced back at her at least three more times before finally asking, "Excuse me, but aren't you in New Pornographers?" Kathryn was very gracious in talking with me for awhile, but I could tell she wasn't too thrilled I noticed her - maybe it was the fact she kept talking about how tired she was.

The Killers - The lead singer was emotional, which I enjoy, but his emotion was written on his face and didn't come out as much in his voice. That would be great for a smaller show, but in a festival setting I think more outward energy is needed. I did love the Old West look the band featured, but it reminded me of Modest Mouse in the "Float On" video.

Thievery Corporation - I caught just a part of the act, but they played exactly the kind of set for the situation. They were dancing and getting the crowd into every song. They even brought a few girls on stage - it's such a simple gesture, but people eat that stuff up. I ended up buying one of their t-shirts. Gotta support the DC fellas.

Scissor Sisters - Wow. They are just fun. Flamboyant as hell. The guy might be George Michael's long-lost son. He wore a black sequined jumpsuit and danced all over the stage with boundless energy. The female singer was sassy and has a powerful voice. They are straight out of the 80s and I love them. I was sad when I had to leave, but not too sad since I was going to see...

Red Hot Chili Peppers - They've been on my list of "I have to see them" for years. I kicked myself for not seeing them when they toured with Foo Fighters, especially since FF were on that list, too. But now, after the two music festivals I've gone to in the past couple months, I can cross them both off that list. Kiedis and Flea certainly didn't disappoint, but their guitarist really blew me away. I had no idea he was so unbelievable. At one point he and Flea just started playing off each other - first one would solo, then the other, then they played solo-type riffs simultaneously, and I thought my head would explode. The chemistry between the two was obvious as they complemented each other perfectly in what is the greatest combination of instruments I have ever witnessed. I'm not joking - they were that good. What a finish to the night.

For all my bitching earlier, it really was a fantastic lineup that I would have regretted not seeing. You can likely mark me down for next year's festival, too. I never know when to quit.

So many good bands
Virgin Music Festival
It's not to be missed

At this rate my place will be fully decorated in 2016

2006-09-22T18:58:00.000-04:00

It took months to get them here, but they've finally arrived. My couch and coffee table are here! I'm way too excited about this - mostly because of the wait - but I'm looking forward to having a normal place to live. Not a whole lot else to say, so here they are:

You're so jealous.

My new furniture
More proof I'm bad with money
So much more to buy

Not-so-remote control

2006-09-20T14:41:00.000-04:00

For a myriad of reasons, I've yet to purchase cable in my new apartment: I rarely watch TV other than sports, I'm never home, I didn't want to spend the money, etc. My major purchases (for the time being) are coming to a close and soon I'll have the cash to throw at the legal monopoly that is cable television. However, like most people, I'll rarely if ever watch most of the channels I'm paying for. I understand why I can't buy individual channels only, but I have two ideas for making cable more appealing. These are pipe dreams that the cable companies have no incentive for enacting, I know, but I don't care.

My first idea is to allow consumers to buy blocks of channels. Some people, like me, are interested in sports, so bundle ESPN, Fox Sports and others into one package. Others may be more interested in domestic channels, so HGTV, Food Network and others would be more to their liking. The cable companies could require you purchase a minimum number of packages (say, three) or use price discrimination for the packages that will inherently be more popular.

My other idea is to allow consumers to pick whichever channels they want, but they must buy a minimum number of channels. The choice of channels could be changed once every month at the consumer's discretion, too. This would lessen the probability that the barriers for entry for a new channel will become too high. If consumers had to pay individually for each channel, they would be less likely to try new channels. Under this plan, consumers could try new channels just as filler if they couldn't decide how to complete their packages.

Again, I know that cable is omnipresent and cable companies are making money like Britney Spears is making babies, but maybe I can figure a way to make this work for them, too.

I'm not Dire Straits
I don't want my MTV
Just ESPN

Is this what Joseph Smith had in mind?

2006-09-13T12:39:00.000-04:00

I have a secret that few people know: I'm not a one-blog kind of guy. I've got a blog on the side. I share this blog with someone else who's also using it as his blog on the side...and we might have a third guy get more involved with the blog, too. I don't want to stop, though - it feels so right.

OK, enough with the innuendo. Matt and I, long ago, wanted to start a sports blog. We did, but then we both gave it up for dead, only lately posting our sports-related entries from our regular blogs onto this other one. Well, the sports siren's song is just a little too sweet to ignore any longer; we're going to give this sports blog the attention it deserves. Hopefully Dan will jump in and save us from time to time - he's listed as a contributor, so he has some responsibilities to live up to.

The FARCers will love the name - No One Suspects the Fullback. It goes back to our days of the McDavid Madden League, when a well-timed FB Dive would rumble for 15 yards. The blog's title is derived from what we would say every time it happened.

If you're into sports, please frequent the new blog. Love it like you have loved this one. Let us know what you think. We just want to help you waste as much time as possible. Thank you.

This blog's time is now
No One Suspects the Fullback
Pure sports dorkiness